14th August 2006

My Laziness becoming more like a bad habit... and it's becoming worse...

I'm lazy to do everything... not sure why.. jus don't feel like doing it... i guess my ignorance had becoming a habit of laziness..

Wonder what had change me?

I jus wanted to have fun and enjoy myself... asking myself to go sch is jus like killing myself...
Not motivated to go school anymore...
Top 10 Reasons in the Morning I ask myself why i dun wan to go sch!
Reason No. 1 - It's too far
No.2 - Laziness
No.3 - I dun like the modules
No.4 - I've lost interest in Science
No.5 - No motivation to go school
No.6 - Slp late at night
No.7 - Cannot wake up
No.8 - Stubborness
No.9 - I don't care about my Grade!
No.10 - Why should i work so hard for something which i don't intend to cont...


Frenz there... Dun worry about me.. i know very well what is there for me. Dun pressure me... i dun like to work under pressure, i can't work well.

I can only overcome this by myself no other can help.

Let there be fun for me and not stress...



What i need now is time to be alone...

I realise that... ever since yr 2, i'm living with stress everyday. there isn't really one day i can stop thinking about what i need to do next. I'm just too tired...
even when it was weekends i still think abt sch, even when i'm not in sch.. people still come and ask me abt sch.. everyday i'm face with problems regarding sch... that alone can be very stressful... and it's doesn't just stop there... life alone doesn't really lie with school only.. what about my others side of me... i dun even have time for that and i'm face with only more and more problems but not lesser...

I'm human i need rest...

I guess skiping sch is just one of the way for me not to think of sch.. that's why...

I have no one to face to.. becos everyone i tok to will just ask me how's sch... i hate that question. I hate these 'You nv come sch again', 'how many times have you skip?', and so many so many..
oly a few will say... hey let's go out... (that's my sec school frenz)
they will nv nv ask me abt my sch... i really happy when with them.. but sadly i can't alway be with them, as alway the next day i'm having sch..

Other times... i jus talk to myself and start wondering... I'm a deep thinker.. lol.. that's when i started thinking if god really exist.. i chosed not to believe in religious cos i really can't figured it out and i'm not able to accept it yet.
But i know he's there...
Everytime when i face difficulties and have doubt i will ask God... one of my fav question. 'God, do you really exist?' den start asking why this and why that happen...
I feel better each time i ask a question. i've no idea why.. and maybe that makes me believe he exist.. but still accepting a religion is hard for me..

I will nv talk to a frenz regarding this.. it's kind of weird..
Since God was the Creator, he knows me better than anyone. Therefore, i'm able to open up to him...

13 August 2006 : 10.45pm

whaha...
i bought a new score just now.. i'm so happy.. got one more books of scores to play le..
the first tin i reach home to do was.. take out my guitar and try it.. and then.. it's below my expectation.. haha.. the pieces is a little too easy and doesn't sound really nice.. anyway.. i'm very happy...

the next books of score i going to buy is 'The Library of Classic for Guitar'.. if i didnt remember wrongly.. it's cost alot!!! but it's worth it as it's quite thick.. hum.. wonder when i can get it.. $63 for that book! i can't wait to get it.. but sadly i got to wait till next month... who can buy it for me?

I forgot my pin no. just now!! when i was buying this book 'Fingerpicking Classical".. i key my pin for three times and i nv got it correct.. so unexpected.. as i nv forget my pin no for my card.. luckily the fourth time i key i got it right.. if not hor.. i cannot buy that book le. hehe..

Missing you...

13rd Aug 2007 : 12.15am

From 7pm since i reach home, i feel like slping.. but untill now i'm not slping yet.. was watching Naruto since i reached home till now lo..
anyway.. i cried when i was watching it.. lol.. i think i too emotional le.. lol..

hum... Daniel, Sherline, + dunnoe hu went out today with Pei Xuan and Stanley.. but i didnt go.. I spent too much too much within the last few days and didnt feel like going out to spent.

I know myself too well.. i couldn't control myself.. i do what my mind wants. even if i wan to control it's hard for me to resist when it's infront of me... therefore i dun wan to go out. i knew i sure spent without knowing what i spent on.

Furthermore, my birthday coming up. if i really spent like my old self... then i can forget about this yr birthday le...

I'm one who couldn't even control myself needless to say abt my frenz to help control me...
I'm getting worse.. perhap too tired trying to go against my own wills.. so just let it be.. what ever it is.. as long as it's not within the failing.. i'm alright...

I'm quite stress up with many things.. hai.. so sian..

i feel like.. i'm kind of hack care abt everything ard me.. sch and band...

Will i be like this sem when the new term start? let's see what i can change for myself..

I'm still looking for people to interview for my PP. I found one actually but then the person is not in Singapore.. hai..

My FYP... hai..

Anyway all this i think i still can cope with it... but then.. regarding my family problems... is much much worse... Now i'm just wishing that this last few months past quickily so that the problem will be solve.. I'm very scare the day will come... Pls don't..

Pls Let me Endure for 4 more months... I will be glad...


Friday Night...
it's all started with Wei Lun taking my shoe away and exchanging it with me.. stupid.. His shoe size is like 10 and mine like 7... i have no idea how he manage to size his feet in la.. anyway it looks weird on me.. with one feet big and one small.. crap la.. and he didnt wan to change back.. hum.. i'm so glad when he said let's change back my feet hurting.. whahaha.. huo gai..

before we left RP.. was outside Music Storage room.. Jing wen wanted to try out my shoe size. so i took out my shoe and let her try. while i was wearing back my shoe.. THIS SAM!!! come from my back and stole my shoe!! den.. it's ok.. but he threw it to Yu Zhuang and YZ actually walk to in front of 7-11.. WTH.. lol.. Stupid SAM n YU ZHUANG.. who made me walked with one feet without shoe and one feet with Wei Lun shoe to 7-11.. you guys going to get it one day.. whahaha. my shoe really so nice to play ma? or is it me really nice to bully?.. lol.. so mean!

Right after guitar we headed to city hall to watch fireworks... reach there JIT.. lol.. but couldn't get a good view of the fireworks.. after the fireworks finish... headed to golden mile market to eat.. took a bus there.. but before that.. as we were walking to the bus stop.. i was messaging.. so didnt actually see there is someone in front of me.. then my cheek hit a cute baby head.. i very scare he cry lo.. lucky he didn't.. den i sa yang him.. whaha.. so ka wa yi.. lol.. btw he's not a baby la.. abt 2 yrs old ba..

i wan to slp le.. nite..

3rd August

sian..

jus finish 3rd meeting.. was actually studying for my Proteomics UT.. den...

people are unforgiving.. wanting every thing for their own goods... why can't they see a bigger picture in it..

I dun understand..

eeerrrrrrrrrrr........

my hair is still standing up.. disgusted by pictures of body piercing.. couldn't withstand the craziness of the people piercing everywhere they could.. my god.. it's the first time i see it.. gosh... now i couldn't even take in a cup of drink.. i think it just make me puke..


anyway... the reason why i saw those pictures because i'm searching for whether tragus is made of bone or catilage.. then got this body piercing website.. haha
and the reason i'm searching for tragus is because i went to pierce my tragus today.. with elaine psyching me to pierce.. haha.. cos she wanted to pierce as well.. whaha...

show u guys

n my hand is recovering.. hehe...

Complicated...

Right after the msg... i saw tat msg... was it implying to me?

if it was me.. i'm really upset by ur words... do i really make a big hoo ha in ur life? tot i was just playing a nobody in ur life, dat you dun have to make such a big impact on jus a msg that cares...

i am neither angry nor sad, but just confused by your words.. i dun understand...

Maybe i already knew something was not right.. but then.. i tot it was just me imaging too much...

Hope i was wrong...

I gonna pretend that i didnt see it... n i'm not going to step up to u again.. cos i'm afraid n i dun wan to make it worse...

Jus wish that.. when the next time i see, the words are taken away...

Hope that...
it was jus becos you were angry and didnt really mean it.
e msg is not meant for me to see.
it jus like words on the sand, will be wash away by waves of the sea.
we going to remain as good frenz n forget abt this.

Purpose of Life

Ever wonder... why are we here for? who decide the friends around us? Out of the universe why there is a difference in country, and why do people born only at that country.. i have too many doubts on god... though i'm not a believer, but i believe in its theory.. where it really teaches you how to deals with life and people.. however.. there are still statements which i dun really agree on... perhaps its because god meant the other way but the people interpreted it wrongly... as time goes by, the true meaning of the statement lost its way...

there is this statement which i really like...
"if you want your life to have impact, focus it! Stop dabbing. stop trying to do it all. do less. prune away even good activities and do only that which matters most. Never confuse activity with productivity. You can be busy without a purpose, but what's the point? "

Most of the time, it does helps you get better when you throw away those thing that you don't really need it. Do what you should instead.. So that you can "Focus" on lesser stuff and creating a greater success..

Life though is short term, but its enough to do all the things we need and some extra time to do the things you want. as long as you plan and figure what's more important..

But why are we here on earth for... Many are searching for the answer.. was it because of what we did in the past? here for suffering, helping others or to have a better future.. i can't think of others...

Anyway.. what i am trying to say here is that... we will alway find this statement familiar... "even before we are born, god has plan everything for us". I dunnoe how true is this... but it definitely explained why people behave this way and why we are being in a different status and many many others things...

Often i ask myself, so... if god really plan everything for us. how does he really judge what kind of life you should take... again.. it came back to.. does he judge base on what we had done before.. so even after our death.. he accumulate the good and bad deeds... we will be sent to hell or heaven.. so what if we go to heaven.. and what if we go to hell.. do we come back to earth again..

So.. god created adam and eve... how did two people produced millions of people.. in that case.. all of us are related to each other?

Actually i really think that i've learnt alot from all sort of religion, they teaches good things, that help me overcome many problems with people... though i am not a believer in god, their purpose is the same, for the good sake of human beings..
frankly speaking.. i am not a religion bais person.. what i feel is that they are all the same.. all of them are for the good of people.. but why do we alway have to differentiate ourselves?



From all these that i know, learning to forgive one is very important and it is very difficult... how many time or how long in your life you will meet the same person again... i think it will be less den five time that you will be able to work with the same person, or be with your friends... and it's definitely a few years long for a friends to stay very close together... why not try to forgive that person and move on... there is actually no point holding on to it as life is short... you don't forgive now.. you might never have a chance to forgive again.. as it will be too late.. by that time you might be thinking of regreting not being able to forgive...
When i have came to realise about forgiving and being able to do that.. i cherish my friends alot more... How long can a friendship last.. you will never know... it is something which you cannot control... so let go of the unwanted, and bring in the needs..

I wanted myself to be able to understand and does the right thing at the right time... Attaining to be a person with great personality... Till now.. i still don't understand why people with very bad personality exist.. I am still unsure of my personality.. i think i am not that great yet.. no one is perfect.. there's a person i really hold high respect of regarding this...


Today went to library to borrow a book...
"The Purpose of Driven Life"

It's really interesting... i really like it.. hehe..


I am still wondering... if god really plan our life for us... den.. all the things has been predicted such as not going for lesson, and so on.. so do we still just follow..

God is testing us..

When god is testing us, he gave us endurance as well...

MooornNing!!!

hehe..

Realise Naruto is not as nice as One Piece... maybe because it is only the starting...
One Piece is more lame and funny... Naruto.. seems to be erm.. more of serious stuff.. not sure how to explain..

now watch one piece till 272 episod le... den have to wait a week for the next episode to come up.. hai.. dunnoe when it will end lo.. lol..

currently watch naruto till 20 ++ only.. another 25 episode still downloading.. hehe.. not very tempting to make me want to watch..

quite angry with mita actually... i think i really hate her lo.. whahaha..
went to sch to do lab actually... suppose to meet mita to do lab work.. yest she said she will be free untill five.. however it's a different thing today... we came to realise after we reach sch that she only sent email in the morning saying she is not free.. i think it's not fair to us lo.. who will check mail on a wednesday morning... furthermore she has already confirm with us that she can make it.. what the hell lo.. even if she's not free, she didnt even bother to book lab for us.. rubbish la.. luckily we met kelvin.. den he kind of stay back awhile la.. haha.. think he quite suay too lo..

One hr of journey to school for half an hour of lab and came to realise this.. who will not be angry.. i think she's irresponsible lo.. hai.. i nv really dislike a fac.. but i think i really can't stand this lo.. lol..

after lab.. went to cwp... for my dinner cum lunch.. whaha..
elaine actually wanted to pierce her inner ear, and actually asked my to pierce.. actually i really dun mind. hehe.. but den.. scared ugly and so.. haha..
anyway.. we went to a shop.. dunnoe which shop la.. den we saw a keychain where it indicate the 'personality' of the person born on the date.. while she read hers first.. den looking for mine.. whaha.. when she saw me reading at some other date.. she suddenly asked "zai can shui de!".. gave me a shock and she's kind of curious la.. so funny.. so she guessed "....." but it's not the right person.. whahah.. i told her in the end la.. lol..

something bothering me...

bother by my family problem again...
wonder why world is so unfair... most people r at the middle line, while i am slightly below there.
though i am glad in the condition that i am in. however, it not at all satisfactory... wonder why this is happening.. i dun really like to blame on others, i believe it is not their fault... jus heaven is making fun of us.. i had happily gone though 2 yrs + of surviving, why god just can't endure for another few more months..

was it really this fun? making people life really difficult at this point of time...

wat the hell is this thing that's making people goes though so much of suffering to get it... making people minds goes wild, and all the troubles its create...

i dun understand at all.. n i dun like it...

this thing which is so uncontrollable for me.. i couldn't believe with what i had done...

21st Jul 06

Bleh... today meet ying ying in the morning, both of us were late for sch... lol.. den we didnt attend sch, as she didnt really like to be late for lesson. so we went to keep our bag at woodlands library locker. haha den took bus to woodlands market to have breakfast.. haha.. after dat went to CWP walk around for awhile, den go back to sch... slack in the library, watch anime and wait for time to pass as i have guitar later..

i burned my hand this morning when i was ironing my clothes.. hai.. so careless... pain... the scar had turned black now..

tired.. wan to slp le..

hum....

listening to music.. feel like going to KTV with frenz.. haha.. anyway i'm nt a good singer.. alway go KTV listen to people sing nia.. hehe.. cos i like listening to others sing.. whahaha..

anyway.. i'm under stress from home, to sch, to work... why? why, why.. haha.. there's too many answer to it...
N' people! dun interfer with my life by asking me question abt how's work, sch, and whatever that you wan to ask regarding my life.. cos my life isn't for you to understand. unless you are one of my close frenz who i can truely trust and talk with... haha.. cos i dun like redundant chat (do that only to new frenz)...
In poly, out of so many frenz, there're only few who i can really chat with.. lol... i think you guys know who you are.. hehe.. maybe you don't haha anyway i'm nt going to say cos those things are suppose to be felt by heart.. haha.. ops.. i think i'm quite les.. lol..
I should go study for LM UT le.. hai.. i nv come for three lesson lo.. how to do UT!!! am i going to crap again.. I had crapped thru 2 of my 3rd UT wor.. i nv expect i'm such a crapper.. haha.. i'm jus using my common sense to crap.. so it's not that bad la.. crap which contain knowledge.. yeah? haha




i'm thinking... are you?

did this during 3rd meeting....

Your Personality Is Like Marijuana

You're laid back and easy going, so much so that taking a shower is often too much trouble for you! Nevertheless, you're quite popular, and many people enjoy your company. You're rarely turned down. You're prone to giggle fits, paranoia, and forgetting where you are exactly.

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

People Envy Your Confidence

You have the attitude and self esteem to take on anything. Failure is beyond not an option for you - it doesn't even cross your mind.People envy your ability to take on any challenge ... and they're secretly afraid you think you're better than them. You don't. You're just sure of yourself.

What Do People Envy About You?

Your True Love Is a Cancer

Why you'll love a Cancer: Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt.Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up! Why a Cancer will love you: You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs.A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

Your Observation Skills Get A C-

You tend to notice the big things in life...But the details aren't exactly your forte

How Observant Are You?

You are Agnostic

You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care.For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine.You rather focus on what you can control - your own life.And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.

What's" Your Religious Philosophy?

You are 80% Capricorn

How Capricorn Are You?

You Belong in 1966

If you scored... 1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in! 1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too. 1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all! 1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day. 1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You give completely and unconditionally in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

You Are 47% Selfish

You are quite balanced. You are able to compromise when it's in the best interests of those involved. But you're no pushover. If something is important to you, you'll get it!

How Selfish Are You?

Your Luck Quotient: 70%

You have a high luck quotient. More often than not, you've felt very lucky in your life. You may be randomly lucky, but it's probably more than that. Optimistic and open minded, you take advantage of all the luck that comes your way.

How Lucky Are You?

Your Monster Profile

Insane Worm You Feast On: M&Ms You Lurk Around In: Shopping Malls You Especially Like to Torment: Groupies

What's Your Monster Name?

You Are 72% Lady

Overall, you are a refined lady with excellent manners. But you also know when to relax and not get too serious about etiquette

Are You A Lady?

sian... i missed lesson for 6th times le.. crazy me..

dunnoe what i wan sia...

tml.. got class.. but i jus feel like there isn't any.. whahaha

i think i'm lazy lo.. hehe.. all i wan is play... lol..

yest... went to meet up with my frenz and my sis at gelang bahru (my old house) and play pool.. as usual lousy me... actually dun really like playing pool.. but then.. dunnoe what else to do le.. haha.. then chit chat till like 12 plus.. hehe..

today.. went orchard with my fyp de team mates to work on our presentation.. hum.. quite well done actually.. lol.. very happy.. finally can relax regarding our presentation liao.. haha.. after that.. suppose to go guitar but then very far lo.. haha..
anyway my frenz needs to wait for her bf to finish class at 10pm wor... so sweet of her.. haha.. since i had nothing to do, so i stayed with her till 9.30pm ba.. for like 5hrs i was with her.. anyway we enjoy ourselves walking ard la.. haha...

I HATE MY PARENTS.. haha..
they very mean to me...
my fridge, have all kind of milks and gassy drinks.. but none i can drink, sian diao.. there is like so many bottles of coke, sprite, FnN... which i don't drink... and milk which i can't even drink.. hai.. why like dat.. haha.. there isnt any bottle of like green tea or fruit juice.. hai..

Check out my frenz blog... it's real cool.. haha.. anyway he's damm pro in IT.. whaha..


http://www.friendster.com/guiquan

booo...

can't slp...

..........


bye........

I like tis pic.. haha..

Saturday...

Jus woke up at 1pm.. lol...
Yest. nite my sis took like 2/3 of the bed, den i cannot slp properly lo... anyway my bro not at home last nite, so went to his room and slp. haha.. i think his room very nice to slp compare to mine.. haha.. maybe becos of the bed.. hehe..
Hum.. yest 2 calls from unknown no... somemore call me quite late at night ard 2.30am... think again should be someone close to me de if not won't call me so late.. so decide to sent msg.. haha.. guess what? it's my bro lo.. hai yo.. so weird lo him.. hp can msg de ma.. lol..

Later going to Sam's birthday... think he should be preparing and dressing himself for his birthday now ba.. haha..
e present under my bed has been waiting for you for 2 weeks le lo.. erm.. sounded like quite bad rite, put people present under my bed.. but then.. it's kind of big.. a4 size box.. my room no space to put le.. haha..

so sian.. now till later dun noe what to do.. it's too short to study for UT 'n' do my FYP things...

some facts..

Stayhome daddy have a higher chances of getting heart disease compared to Man who works outside.

Cancer causing bottles

so -_-"' Diao lo... got this from my frenz blog actually.. whahah... and i alway reuse bottles de.. hum... shall get my own bottle le... haha.. my sis complaining that i alway bring home bottles de den my room are filled with bottles wherever there are space. cos each time i go to sch, i will get one before i reach MRT station. lol... but i dun like those plain water leh.. hehe.. prefer sweet drinks.. lol..

Anyway.. read on..

This may be very true.Do you know chemical released by plastic water bottles can cause cancer ?
It is not the water that will affect you but the chemical released from the bottle.
The next time you get a bottle of mineral water, do check for a triangular sign on the base. You will see a number in the triangle. If the number is higher than or equal to 5, then this bottle is safe for more than one-time use.
Whatever number under 5 will release the chemical. Most mineral / drinking water bottles are made for one-time use and you will notice they are marked 1.
So, do check and do not reuse such bottles marked 1.

But then.. when i went to search for it...

Reusing Plastic Water Bottles

Rumor:This email begins by saying “Many are unaware of poisoning caused by re-using plastic bottles,” and says “bottles are safe for one-time use only; if you must keep them longer, it should be or no more than a few days, a week max, and keep them away from heat as well.” The email says the bottles contain DEHA, which it calls a potential carcinogen.

Fact:This email apparently relies on a student’s college thesis to make scary claims about water bottles. In fact, DEHA is not inherent in the plastic used to make these bottles, and even if it was the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) says DEHA "cannot reasonably be anticipated to cause cancer, teratogenic effects, immunotoxicity, neurotoxicity, gene mutations, liver, kidney, reproductive, or developmental toxicity or other serious or irreversible chronic health effects." Meanwhile, the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC), says diethylhexyl adipate "is not classifiable as to its carcinogenicity to humans."

It's sunday again...

This sunday was different from others... haven been staying home for so many weekends.. i'm so bored la.. haha..
this afternoon was doing my FYP.. den do till half way.. dunnoe what else to include in..
wanted to take a nap.. but couldn't slp.. so watch TV lo.. watching animal channel and discovery channel.. haha.. so bo liao.. watch till four really nothing to do le lo..
realise that i still have books haven return to the library so went to the library to return and borrow 3 more books.. hehe

after borrowing my books went down to orchard to catch movie with frenz... watch campus ghost stories.. erm.. at the end of the movie i dun get what it means la.. whahaha.. but then ok la.. there is few shocking moments.. the worse one was from my frenz.. haha... stupid la.. lol..
Anyway, i did enjoyed the movie with you la.. haha.. thanks for coming out.. bleh..

actually was going to slp at 11.. but then.. i'm scanning picture into lappy, and surfing net.. haha.. went to see my old frenz de friendster.. hehe..
hum.. now 12.30 le..

recently have been hard getting to slp.. feel like taking up slping pills to help me slp.. haha.. everytime lie on bed for few hrs then can't slp lo even when i'm very very tired... keep thinking abt things.. hai.. hopefully things will get better.. hehe

jus now read a few pages of a books about drugs addict de story... den i read about one who said that he doesn't like study, perhaps is becos he wants to see result fast..
i think i'm the same too... maybe that explained why i'm alway skipping school, further more those modules are which i find it meaningless..
I dun understand why there is this kind of study system... it really sucks to core.. everything you do required cert, and most of the time those modules we study are not going to be used.. why can't we look for a job that we like, and den we go for courses.. which we learn what is needed and not something redundent. isn't this better... hai.. i'm feeling like i'm just wasting my time.. lol..
i've skipped my lab mangement, proteomics 4 times, genomic and computer animation 3 times.. i wonder if i will still go any further? i noe it's going to affect my grades really bad.. but i have no idea why it just didnt bother me. lol..

what i feel is that grade doesn't determine whether you are good or not... so what you have good grades and all, but then when out to work you know nothing at all.. from what i know and i truely believe it, studying and working is a totally diff thing..

erm.. i think i should go slp le.. it's 12.55 le.. nite..

Eating disorder??? lol

I realise that i have been very unhealthy.. haha..

Didnt eat for the whole of Sunday and didnt actually realise it, till late at night. But not really that bad la, cos i had 2 pan cake. However it doesn't even fulfiled a requirement for a meal.. lol..

Recently only had like one meal a day.. erm.. that's quite crazy. but then it didnt really bother me. maybe becos i'm too tired to be bother, or i'm just too hungry that after awhile i had forgotten abt it.

it's always, either i eat alot/very little or i don't eat.. but it's not something that i could have control.. haha.. maybe it's my mindset ba..

Probably i have weird stomach.. lol... having no idea of what's fullest means and when to eat or when to stop eating.

quite worried that one day i might have eating disorder or disease related... lol..

Can't wait till the last day of my poly...

Bleh... so long nv blog liao...

quite busy with my sch, work, and IGs... almost lost my sense liao...
down with flu for 6 day recently... now recovering from flu but down with sore throat... sian diao..

for this two days has been canceling everything and stay home.. quite sian la but then.. for the sake of resting also for the better of sch reopening and so..

had been not caring for anything.. and i think it some how improve my 'life'.
maybe i'm holding on too much things that i couldn't breath... now that i couldn't be bother to care much, i felt much better..

while.. i'm waiting for the next holiday to do my pp.. hehe.. might be too late though.. but i trust myself i can do it.. : )

jus wanted to improve on my study for this semester first.. haha.. attendance have not been good.. erm.. quite hard to buck up now.. jus wanted to keep everything at rest first..

regarding band.. i guess i put too much effort into those 'nonsense', wasting my strength which in the end goes into nothing... erm.. not much idea about what i'm going to go next... just couldn't wait to step down... i knew very well the prob in it, just that have no idea how to cope with it. it's e prob with none can help... i guess it's hard... ain't going to blurt anything more, just keeping it with myself... it aim nothing good... the best thing i can do is take a step at a time... multitasking ain't a thing to handle it myself...

maybe that's why recently doesn't feel like asking band people to go out when i wanted to stay out so much..

wonder when's the next time i'm going to blog... stressful life..

Photo taken recently

hum... i got so much stuff to write about actualy.. but i'm just being too lazy to write...
anyway write about the memorable stuff ba..
where shall i start from leh?

maybe last two weeks ba...
okay, same thing happen as my previous blog.. still the same went out with frenz and all.. dun wan to get home.. den one night while out with my frenz drinking what ever shit forgot le but can get it from 7-11 cos we got it from there.. then those two of my best guys frenz drank carslberg along the river. so we sat there talk, smoke (erm, not me la), listen to music. that's all we did. lol. when we were about to leave... i saw a snake! on the chair where we sat on.. let me describe the chair... it's a wooden kind of bench.. just imagine you are at a beach where there is wooden bench. the wooden bench is like those a few pieces of wood put together with space inbetween each wood. then there is the stone which place the wood, making it look like bench. in some where inbetween and underneath the wood where the stone is lie the snake. maybe it's slping or resting.. lol.. not sure.. but is damm scary la, just sitting above the snake. my frenz when to disturb the snake as it's quite small.. reall small la. width is about 1cm while length.. i dun noe quite long la.. my frenz use a stick to drag the snake out to the floor.. den it 'ran' to the grass patch.. this stupid frenz wanted to catch it and put into a bag, however he failed.. whahah.. and so we left..

Next event was.. i went out with my gal frenz till 6 in the morning... not sure why we had so much to chat about.. we walked from places to places and back to same places... every where we go we find a place to sit, drink and eat. and spent quite alot that day. but each place we didnt eat much la.. jus a few bites. hehe.. that was damm cool experience... lol.. it's like we nv say no to each other... i like the ok let's go on and on outing or wat ever.. maybe that's becos we were frenz 4 many yrs le.. i nv get this kind of feeling before and it's really hard to find..

hum.. while there are more la.. but erm.. let's go back to sch.. whahaha

while... realise i have skip sch for 5 days le... can skip 3 more days, erm.. quite sad for myself.. but on the other hand yes i'm happy with what i'm doing.. cos i had all the fun i had, all the craziness i wan, if only every day were like this.. but there are things called schooling and working which spoil the life i wan.

i think i already lost my own soul... i couldn't feel the soul is with my body.. body wan this while the soul wants other. the things i should aim for is study and not fun... but it's hard for me to get back to the mood of study.. i guess it is just too stressful for me, actually i can take stress, but then it's aimless for me to study. most of it was becos, it's just not something i like. the subject and all... hum.. realise that i only do what i like.. stubborn.. whaha.. for this sem guess the onli subject i love are com anima, den maybe lab management..
proteo and genomes... i guess i just can't make sense out of it.. it's all just erm.. what the fuck am i studying all these.. it just seem... not my cup of tea..

Now about guy in sch...
well... since yr 1 started and the 1st time i saw that guy, i think he's cool and has his character.. i dun say i admire him becos i dun like the word admire... it's fake, bull shit.. it were just merely liking. lol.. ya, so i said wat i wanted.. haha. not sure why, it just so happen that each time i went out with frenz, there might be possibilities i will see him, and it's always at orchard. lol.. maybe he alway go there.. and so am i.. whaha.. erm. i do remember taking the same bus from tanglin to orchard... hai ya.. he alway take that bus one.. lol.. anyway he was sitting beside me la.. just got to know his name recently..lol.. anyway... i think i'll nv approach him or wat so ever.. cos we are just living in two different world.. diff frenz, life and... further more i dun like one of his frenz la.. cos of his attitude and mouth speaking nonsense and damm vulgar.. other than that is stil ok la.. wat ever it is.. i dun think we are suitable for each other..

anyway there is someone who wat ever la.. but dun think i will wan.. as there are many reason.. and yes that i've already guess so that this day of wat ever.. lol..

erm.. i think i like to keep people guessing.. whaha.. therefore my blog is like dat... there's also other reason la..

that's all...
i wan to slp le... good nite..

Hi everyone...

lol.

Haven been bloggin for abt one month.. erm.. i'm just lazy and not in the mood.
For the past one month, i just felt like slacking at home and not doing anything. Well, actually i was kind of doing what i was hoping. Just working at borders like erm.. kind of not me.. lol.. cos there were not band practice, no guitar practice.. for the first three weeks i was just purely working and slping at home when i'm not working. then comes the last two weeks where i had fun like crazy and doesn't want to go back sch.. so much thing happen last two week. keep going out with frenz, poly frenz, ex sch frenz and so on..
and finally sch started and i was working on sunday nite till 11 and i didn't manage to get a slp after monday sch, not even a nap. then i went to my frenz grandma funeral and accompanied her till like morning 5am, went back home with my frenz didnt even slp for a few minutes, bath and go sch... erm.. den in sch i couldn't concentrate. i did my work as usual, but i slept through the whole of third meeting. trying to keep myself awake, but i can't, the class was just too boring and deadly. listen for a few minutes of talking and i dozed off.. whaha.. finally get home but then i didnt slp, forgot abt what i was doing, but slp onli after like 10pm.

erm.. think i wan to slp liao.. cont when free... not really in the mood to think abt what i wanted to write.. hehe just being myself. lazy!
Damm sian every morning have to wake up like 6.30am but who cares, as usual me alway wake up at 7am, couldn't wake up any earlier. usual wake up time because the sky turn brighter. :D

hai....

damm sad... currently, i couldn't be bother with any thing liao.. that's why everything i do is failing me.. i not sure why.. i jus dun wan to do anything.. maybe i'm real tired.. hai.. all i noe is that i wan to play.. i dun to care about study all this.. hai.. super sian.. it's getting worse and worse...
actually this sem is so much easier and rite.. i can score better but.. i'm just getting worse.. hum.. most likely is becos of my attendance.. hai..

suddenly, i feel like giving myself a rest.. but i couldn't.. how i wish.. i can be like others rite now.. dun have to care about anything... and just go for holidays.. hum.. me leh.. got to care abt all the nonsense.. hai.. i just feel like giving up.. taking up so much stuff only stress meself..

boooo....

hum.. so long nv blog liao.. hehe.. starting of the week mon got chalet... and etc... till now den free to go online.. but.. dun wan to stay long too.. cos i'm working morning shift.. going to slp soon

i think i'm crazy liao...

Hum... seriously... i really dun noe how to cope with many many things.. hai...
sometime there are so much things to handle that you lose control of yourself.. i realise i'm impatient, hot tempered, petty and everything bad recently... i can't centralise myself... it may just be some small things but i will get easily irritated... not sure why?

was it becos i have too much things to handle that i feel frustrated... was it becos of the problems that i'm dealing with... was it becos i've no time for myself to relax, everyday there are things for me to busy with, most of the days.. i really have no time for myself to relax.. even when relaxing, i can't rest well becos too many things are running in my head...

i wan to find back the old me... when i can endure with many things... where i really think though, where i'm not the heck care type... i really realise i change so much.. from being quiet becoming more takative.. which is good.. becoming lamer... and all the nonsense things come out when with frenz outside.. perhaps i'm really too stress up.. god help me pls...

for a very long time i didnt turn up in front of god.. i realise something.. when you really started not coming often to find god... things start to change.. maybe becos the onli time i can relax is when i'm with god..

maybe i should really give myself a few days of break... at home and do nothings.. so that to centralise myself, to give myself enough time to do my personal things... like pack my room or so on.. hehe..
very tired.. only had 4 hrs of slp den go to work at 9 till 8... hai... life is full of ups and downs... when you have fun you should give yourself time to rest... the amount of energy use up should be equivalent to the amount for resting.....

i think i shouldn't let myself being lock in a box... i should open up this box so that everyone can enter... to be open to everyone, making myself happier.. getting to know more friends is so much fun... of cos not to meet the wrong one.

In life i'm those sort of person who will do anything that makes my life better, enjoying myself, instead of keeping myself onli to myself.. i will jus end up the same. i shouldn't be so narrow minded.. i think i'm, though many dun noe. i'm jus thinkin...
i think when we are having fun we shouldn't let anything disturb us.. we shouldn't let ourself be constricted by something... if want to have fun have it all the way with the best thing ever... study.. den study all the way.. i'm those kind who do to the fullness.. unless i really have something important.. else i will nv spoil the mood.. hehe.. if i dun wan.. den i dun even wan to touch it.. cos i really hate things to be done half way.. whaha... that's why my room is always in a mess... cos i dun have the time to do.. if i do it would do real nice.. but one or two weeks later it would end up being the same.. whahah...

think what i'm trying to say here is i nv let my frenz down... will try to fulfill what they want... i seldom turn down their offer... dunnoe why i'm this kind of person... it might not be good sometime... haha.. but then life in poly are so short... we should enjoy ourselve to the fullness, further more, some times it's really hard to get all the people to come together.. there always be time for your other thing... it's abt organising your time ba... maybe that's why i can cope with so many things at a time.. while some people tends to give up.. becos they need time to rest and for some nonsense things...
my logic is that.. whatever you can do or find now, you can nv find it again next time... things are not going to be the same anymore.. so tresure it..

Mum in hospital...

hai... receive a message from my sis during my break at 2pm... that my mum was in hospital.. wanted to leave the work place.. but becos borders was busy and lack of man power today... the manager couldn't let me off.. so i stay lo.. actually he said something like try to stay if can... and after thinkin rite.. i stay lo.. since got my sis to accompany my mum le. knowing that my best frenz was there to accompany my sis so jus endure with a few hrs since it isn't really bad.
after work quickily rush to TTSH.. but didnt manage to see my mum.. cos only one visitor are allow to visit her at a time.. so i jus have to wait.. den accompany my frenz to smoke.. lol.. jus nice after smoking my mum can be warded to a room.. so we jus follow her up to the bed there lo.
ard eight we left for our dinner... however, i was worried abt my dad cos he has not arrive yet.. so called him up, realising he's on the way.. so i asked my frenz to leave with my sis without me, will go find them later.
so i went to look for my dad at novena square then go gardian to buy some stuff for mum.. after buying went up to find my mum.. by right they said that the visitor time is only untill 8pm.. however my dad and i reached there after eight.. lol..
den i stayed for awhile when i was abt to leave the doctor finally came.. after so much of waitin from afternoon 2 till 9... aiyo...
so i took cab to find my frenz at serangoon garden chom chom... i felt kind of bad cos my mum in hospital and i'm like outside with my frenz enjoying.. but i can't do anythng also.. and my dad didnt say anything, and encourage me to go...
at there waited for sometime to find a sit.. whaha.. we order quite alot of things.. and the first thing i ask my frenz to order didnt come at all. it's fried oyster.. we decided not to care abt it and leave.. cos we have stay quite long there, as in we have been eating for quite long... and we are full liao..
went KTV after that at serangoon garden also.. K garden again.. lol.. saw my frenz there.. as in at serangoon garden. so we stay at the KTV till 1 like dat.. after dat we sent people home.. whaha.. my dat frenz driving.. hehe.. total there is 8 of us.. lol. hum.. the journey home was very very long.. first suppose to sent the one who stay at ponggol (wat ever it's spelled) but end up sending the one who stay at woodland first (who is the driver galfrenz. lol), becos of one wrong turn.. den come back to punggol again.. after that suppose to be our turn.. but we got lost at punggol... haha.. the one who noes the road was slping.. actually we went out of punggol le, reach pasir ris, then tampines after sometime.. den take the wrong route come back to punggol.. den dunnoe how to get out liao.. so it's time to wake the person up.. whaha.. so manage to find our way out la.. den on our way back to my house.. got one stupid frenz went to open the window while the car on fast speed cos on a very long and no traffic road... it hurts our ears, got pressure. guess becos of the different pressure outside and in the car somemore in veyr fast speed. but he doesn't feel it. maybe becos he's near the window that is open.. got scolded like erm.. not really hell la.. but being scolded by us la.. stupid..
manage to reach home at 3am.. hai.. a 2hrs ride to home. lol.

i'm really glad that i have all these frenz, when i have trouble they come and help... two of them actually take half day off from their camp after receiving call from my sis to visit my mum.. i'm so touch, even i didnt do that la..

Thanks Bing wei, jason, guo qiang, gui quan, mu zhen and jia ying from coming down...
these four guys are my very best frenz.. hehe.. sad that i'd moved, else you guys can alway come my house and talk cock.. we stay in the same area that's why.

i going slp. good nite.

i'm complaining!!!

hai.. i hate this.. hate it hate it... thinking of it jus make my nerves burst..
i think i very suay today... everything that i wan i couldnt get it...
what's wrong with me.. or is it jus the people.. argggg...
1st... where has all my FYP team mates gone to? while i only manage to get elaine and jasmine.
2nd.. i forgot to get our FYP faci no. before elaine go slp.. elaine!!!
3rd.. Ying Ying where you gone to??? i very very long nv talk to u le.. call u nv pick up also... hai..
4th.. i'm trying to call up yunus.... he hang up my call..
5th.. thinking of ways to get my the other FYP teams on msn... the one i noe not online. the rest i dun have their contacts...
6th... noeing jon and vik are frenz of fad, but jon not online
7th.. talking to vik online so tried to get his no... but he said it's in his old phone... arggg!!!
8th.. i dun wan to think anymore..
9th.. i wan to get the hell out of all this things...


What the hell am i doing.. hai... why got so much last min things...
I HAD ENOUGH...
TOO MUCH TOO MUCH....
guess that certain things i need to give up.. i couldn't take up so much stuff... i dun wan to stuff myself with all the things and people doing nuts.
i think organising my stuff is very very important... i very long nv do that liao... arggg..... i think i need to slp..
bye...

12th march midnight

Bleh... Jus woke up at 2pm... whahaha. recently keep waking up very late.. like 1 or 2.. unless got things on that day then i will wake up early.. and that is super early.. like 7am or earlier.

well... yest went to watch movie after my work with ashraf... whaha.. the movie start at 1.30 am. actually i dun wan to eat, but then as i walk hor then i felt hungry liao.. so we went to subway to eat... onli me eating.. lol.. he ate cookies.. whaha while i had my tuna sandwich.. aiyo.. the subway hor.. everything also dun have lo.. sian diao. then we sit down chat chat.. time pass very fast la.. like jus finish my meal onli then the movie starting soon.. realising is abt 1.3oam liao, so we got to go up.. whaha.. anyway the movie nv start on time de la.. we was early.. lol

i realise that recently all the movie start so sudden one... like you dun noe whether it's the movie or the advertisment.. only untill after awhile where they show the producer name and so on... whaha..

talk abt the movie.. while it was quite nice.. a comedy show la... more of it it's about meet the parent... oh forgot to tell wat movie we were watching... whaha it's 'DATE MOVIE'... then got one part like mr and mrs smith.. and still got la.. i think the show not bad la.. it's super lame.. lol... the story line ok la.. whaha.. it's abt a girl who is really fat.. looking for true love.. then one day they met in her dad cafe... then after that.. she went to look for hitch, i think sort of like a match maker or help her find the guy la.. den.. erm... go watch urself.. whaha. jus tell you la.. the ending was that, the guy she met in the cafe and herself live happily ever after.. whahah...

I enjoy watching it.. haha.. very funny.. after watch we took cab home.. lol.. nothing to do liao..

later going to find ashraf to take taxi receipt so i can claim the money from borders... whaha..

chao.. bye...

Quizezz

You Belong in Paris

Stylish and a little sassy, you were meant for Paris. The art, the fashion, the wine, the men! Whether you're enjoying the cafe life or a beautiful park... You'll love living in the most chic place on earth.

What City Do You Belong In?

How You Life Your Life

You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is. You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Maybe You Would Pick Your Boyfriend Again... But Maybe Not!

It's a tough call, and that's probably why you are taking this quiz. Things between you and your guy are good, but not great. And with every road bump you hit, you can't help but wonder about other guys. With good reason, there's a pretty high chance that there's a better guy for you somewhere.

Would You Pick Him Again?

Your Reputation Is: Shy Girl

You've done pretty well in keeping your reputation protected.. Problem is, no one really knows who you are!

What's Your Reputation?

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise! Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro. If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you. You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

What Your Brown Outfit Means

You're not too classic, not too funky - just up on the latest trends. You know what looks good on you, and you love to shop! You project a smart sense of style, which makes people see you as competent. Designer match: Rebecca Beeson Signature accessory: A slim leather belt

What Does Your Favorite Outfit Say About You?

You Are a Skin Deep Sweetheart

You may be supermodel gorgeous or a plain Jane. It really doesn't matter, because you're confident and secure. You don't go out looking like a slob, but you are low maintenance. You have better things to worry about than whether your nails are the right shade!

Are You Obsessed With Your Looks?

You are a Mild Mama

You don't have to be screaming at the top of your lungs to have a good time You rather chill, soak in the moment, and appreciate life for what it is Guys appreciate your "take life as it comes" approach... (Though they wouldn't mind if you got a little wild from time to time!)

How Daring Are You?

You Should Be With an Earth Sign!

Your best match is a Taurus, Virgo, or Capricorn Why? You like your guys to pamper, wine, and dine you Not that you're a gold digger, you just like the finer things An Earth Sign will go all out to woo you - and enjoy doing it And you'll never find a more trustworthy or loyal match!

What Sign Should You Date?

You Are Furry Boots

They're not just boots. They're your dancing shoes!

What Kind of Boots Are You?

You Were An Angel This Year

You Were 20% Naughty, 80% Nice You know you've been a super good girl this year So good, that you may have missed out a little... Don't worry, Santa will make it up to you!

How Naughty (Or Nice) Were You This Year?

You Should Get an Abstract Tattoo

Artistic and unique You're the most likely type to personally design your tattoo

What Tattoo Should You Get?

You Are a Tomboy

You're having too much fun to bother with nail polish and crazy diets. Guys are instead impressed by how much you know and do!

How Girlie Are You?

Went out with my Best frenz...

wow... jus wake up not long ago.. lol.. abt one.. very very long nv wake up at this time le.. super tired lo...
yest went to meet my old frenz.. whahaha.. den i go his house.. actually he wanted to follow his mum to dunnoe where.. then hor i came at the wrong time.. he nv tell me also la.. then his mum ask him not to follow cos i'm ard... i felt quite bad la.. luckily, his bro came back so his bro accompany her mum lo.. hai..
at his house nothing to do also.. listen to songs.. whahaha.. didnt noe that he lend a soprano sax from his frenz.. whaha anyway i think is a lousy one.. didnt maintain at all, a bit rusty liao.. lol..
haha.. then later at ard 8 ++ meet up with my other best frenz... went serangoon garden de k garden.. hai.. i actually dun like going there.. cos i dun really sing.. whaha.. i jus follow lo... didnt have to spent on transportation also.. cos got people drive.. lol.. guo qiangz you rox man.. but he also very jia lat la.. alway drive people ard.. on the way there i'm already falling aslp cos very nice to slp under the aircon somemore... lol.
at the K garden, they sing i watch lo.. i sing too la but not on mike.. jus follow them sing.. the reason i dun like singing is becos i dun really remember the lyrics and dun noe how to read some of the words.. i can only remember the music.. lol.. slack there drink my snow shake peach.. then i msg my sis ask if she wan to come.. but she finish work at 10. think she took cab there.. we went back ard 12 plus.. luckily is family car if not we got to take cab back le.. so jus nice lo. eight people in the car.. hehe.. reach home then didnt do much thing i went to slp liao..



i'm sorry if i really made you feel that way..

Hum.. i'm not sure if you are talking about me...
anyway... i knew you will nv look back... n i shall not too...
things become clearer to me... i'm learning... it's hard...
becos of my attitude, my character... my life has become like dat.. i dun blame anybody for that... as i believe certain things happen because of something... i can't tell what is it...
for i know if that's my life i shall accept it...

i'm very touch by the words you said even if it's not meant for me...

many people nv turn back in life not excluding me... if i would have turn back thing would have become worse... i'm happy that i have gotten rid of the bad.

today...
i learnt many things...
i shall jus let it be... it's best not to do anything sometimes... i still dun noe when and what i should do and what i should not... i'm still learning... the learning is long and never ending.. it tough as well...
i think i should just forget about everything that happen before whether it's in band or personal and try starting anew again... it's best to start everything from stratch, your mind will be fresher and can do thing better...

thanks for the things you mention... actually without you saying so.. i already know what i should do. your words jus make me feel better + making sure the things i'm going to do is right for me... not for you anymore... hehe. thanks for that... : ) big smiles...
not only i will take care of myself, you too...

very tired wor...
too much things to care about.. i think why not jus leave it like dat... the more i do it's just going to be worse...
everything jus goes back to the things i did again... jus wan to forget about it... shouldn't have put so much thoughts for all the things... the more thoughts and feeling i put it jus making everything worse..
am jus a failure rite now.. i can't do anything good...

Finally, manage to get enough of rest...

since thursday nite i didnt have enough slp. slept only at 2am and got to wake up at 7 plus to go sch.. after school went back home, bath, go back sch for the dance nite thing. it didnt turn out as well. not many people were there.. then after that we went to East coast park, as the whole of yr 2 SAS was invited to there, and veron really wan to go.. hehe so we took cab from sch... hum.. we can't find the pit at first...cos we've walk to the last pit of that area.. lol.. and heard from veron that the pit is near mac... however it wasn't really near.. whaha.. then call up someone to check lo..
while.. quite many people were there... haha.. wow i saw janice.. lol.. but she's quiting sch.. hai.. sian diao.. i nv thought i will be meetin her there... anyway nice to c you.. and she asked me something erm.. whaha..
at 11 plus we went back to sch.. my frenz told me they were about to close the registration... however it didnt la.. after we get our bike, push it to annex hall, den we went to bath.. lol.. den went back to the class room to get some slp but we did not... lol.. after staying in class for awhile, we went out of sch... lol.. i can't believe i'm doing such thing... lol.. we went to mobil, den from there we walk to tanglin, then we went to a very cool house... it's really really cool.. i couldn't i seen this in singapore.. it's ain't a normal bangalow.. it look like a small palace.. damm cool... how could someone be so rich??? hai.. he got so many cars... and it doesn't cost a few hundreds thousand. one of each actually cost about a million... and he has 7 of them plus 2 mecz. and 2 harley davison... damm sickening.. haha then we carry on walking to tanglin mall.. from there we sit down and talk after that we went to traders hotel before going back to sch.. lol.. so reach sch ard 3.30am.. wen we went into the class room. there were 2 people slping.. haha. cos we didnt expect people to be inside as we left it's only two of us there, the rest stayed outside of the room. i went to switch on the light... cos really dark ma.. then both of them wake up.. lol.. anyway.. we manage to get 1 hr plus of slp in not a very good position.. lol.. wake up brush teeth... den went down to collect our bike.. actually i noe very well that i might not be able to make it.. as i could no longer drink any water... lol.. haha it really a good experience.. anyway.. actually i manage to ride all the way through.. but then they ask mi whether if i wan to take the bus.. then i say anything la.. cos i dun noe what happen ma.. they tot i'm the last one but i'm not.. whaha it jus that i'm the last of the faster and the first of the slower.. in between there is not one in front of me and none behind me.. seem like i'm the only one.. whahah.. so waited for the bus to come lo.. den i didnt feel good at all.. anyway i felt better taking some rest... at ngee ann poly... i think.. so continue to ride to the incinerator there lo.. the slope it really killing... now i'm really the last.. whaha... i'm lazy liao.. actually there were people behind me.. but i'm lazy to ride so i walk up lo.. they were on the bike early then me.. i didnt noe we going to reach soon if i noe i would have move onto the bike earlier.. so pai seh..
so we took a rest at the incinerator there.. took our breakfast.. then we move on to RP campus at 9.10am.. hehe.. super fun... this time i'm in the center again.. lol..
i'll cont after my work.. going to bath then go to work.. hope i wont be late.. hehe...
Back.. i tot is going to four le.. but it's not i'm looking at the wrong time.. it's onli 2.50 i tot is 3.50.. hai...
so i think ard 930 we reach the sch... hehe the president and lee sian long were waiting for us to arrive wor.. cool rite.. whaha

then veron and me walk around and play ard in sch lo.. quite alot of activity la.. hehe.. den we did the hanna.. lol..
so happy to c u there..
rite now i'm afraid..
hope she's not the one you like.. anyway if it is rite.. den wish you guy erm.. happy together lo.. : )

hum.. u change no nv tell me.. whahaha.. so sad. felt so stupid la.. keep msgin ur old number... bleh...

anyway if i change number i also dun bother to tell people.. hehe.. cos i'm jus being lazy. only when people ask then i give. haha... anyway i also change number.. actually not really change la.. jus that i'm lazy to pay my bill.. den accumulated to alot.. den being cancel i think, nv bother to check cos i got another free line which left there nobody use it.. then i take and use lo.. whaha. i not sure abt the number also.. haha i cant remember..

so happy to c you today... you just make my day brighter without even saying a word.
nice hair style.. hehe... going to have a hair cut soon and dye my hair to some reasonable color.. lol..


Yesterday in band...
it wasn't that bad as tue... however there is still problem here and there... hai... why is it so hard to keep a organisation working together peacefully.. anyway i'm glad about the attendance... and glad that GLosz came... he really make a difference in band when he comes... but then how CM and ACM were not there yesterday.. then ming cong conduct.. whaha i did conduct one piece.. keltic dance.. KNS... I realise a big big difference in conducting guitar and band.. whaha.. there is too many part in band that i couldn't concentrate... whaha..
anyway it was fun.. and it's like we play so many different pieces but glosz still not here yet..
anyway i think glosz was quite upset with the pieces we play... cos he said we did not have sectional at all... well... there it goes... haha tue again..
Define what's sectional? lol..

anyway we have band till 9.15pm... we nv have band till this late before.. like after ming cong finish talking everyone rush out of band room.. wat kind of attitude sia.. whaha.. anyway it's really late la.. every rushing home for rj and all...
band ended late nvm...
we went to eat at the prata shop, eat and stay there to talk till 11.30pm ++.. it's our last time we are going there... hai.. i going to miss it... i going to miss everything..
at the train station.. i scare if i drop at outram i will miss my train... so i rather take to lavender and took bus back.. i was really hoping there will is bus for me to take home cos it was rather late liao.. when i reach the bus stop is ard 12 pm le.. den wait abt 15 mins lo.. at that time i was quite scare la... cos i nv took bus from there so late before.. if it's at orchard i dun mind but some places with uncle and indian workers ard... then i msg someone.. but got no reply from him.. whaha..
actually long ago i suspected that he change his hp no.. but didnt ask la.. hehe.. till today.. : p
quite happy when the bus finally came.. hehe.. reach home faster do rj and talk to someone.. hai... damm sian la.. sickening problem and all.. why all problem cannot be solve... one come after another.. headache leh.. i dun wan to care so much anymore.. jus too tired too tired..
jus doing the admin work alone take up so much energy and problem kept coming... aiyo..
nvm la.. i keep forgeting wat to do la.. too much things to do le.. PX and Stan how did you guys manage!!! kill me pls.. whahaha

anyway this two days my mood very good cos holiday coming... whahaha.. : p

it seems like... in a far distance without a word spoken to each other. we have thoughts that ans each other...

i'm damm bored rite now.. i got nothing to do. i dont feel like doing rj rite now.. everyone not in sch... hai.. coming to sch during the last week is damm bored cos everyone tends to pon classes...

i'm damm scare that later what will happen... i hope it would be better than tue... what if mr glosz see the same number of people coming for band on tue..






wo heng xiang geng ni zai yi qi... ni neng zuo dao ma?
gu shi neng xie chu jue ju ma?

i still feel your presence...

我好想你。。。
How I wish I could be by ur side yesterday. I’m feel much better if you were here...
I was thinking if it's possible? 我好想再问你一次 可是，我觉得是不可能. 你会告是我吗？但是， 现在已今每关系了... 我麻木了...

Will we be together again? 我好喜欢你. another chance for us again?

let me pray hard, one day i'll share your burden and you shall share mine...

i will nt act foolish anymore... ru guo..zhe shi zheng de jiu hao.

na wo zi xiang dui ni shou sarang haeyo...

Band today...

Today isn't a very good band day... damm sian... my day was quite good and all. then come to band i super sian.. becos everyone tell me this person not coming that person not coming... hai... it really affect me alot. having listening to all the reason, i'm sick of it le... i couldn't be bother with the reason anymore, cos everyone has their reason. and i think about half the band members didn't come for band because their frenz or one of the members in the section didn't come.. I can name who were there... i think the people there add up to ard 15 or less. more than half of the band didnt come how to carry on with practise.
decided to sent a msg. i got some unhappy reply... everyone is unhappy with each other... if you guys would have come to band would there be so much problem. will everyone be unhappy, will i be sending out message and agitate you guys? i think is very unfair to those who came and couldn't do anything... becos many were not there... the number of people here today was jus like those people who came to band on friday.. how would i be able to control my feeling any longer... i know i'm harsh and all... to think about it. i guess i should. i'm really upset abt those reply i got. couldn't believe that i actually cried... i really had a headache after all the message bombing at me. at that time i really couldn't take it anymore.. i couldn't take the stress.
all the way from after those message sent to me to where we walk to the prata shop, the pain is killing me in my head, however i feel much better after talking at the prata shop.
Thanks for all the comfort the people at prata shop gave to me...
would anyone tot about how i feel?
Seriosly, has anyone really devoted to band.maybe some of you are but not all.
well i should have predicted lot of people not coming? would i be? maybe i do but is more than half of the band members, would i be able to take it? i've so many people telling me different reasons, how can i remember, how can i tell which is real and which is not? how am i suppose to understand each and every one problem. I'm not a god. i'm jus some human being with feelings. a leader with hopes on members, who thinks people will come. one of you nv come really makes alot of differences, you think i dont know. i jus dont show it. i guess i have put too much feelin in band.. perhap the feeling i put into were too much which causes me to sent a message without much thinking what will happen. do i have to think every time i do something. i'm seriously tired about all the thinking.. why should i alway think before i said something, and people can just say anything without much thinking. alway mans make mistake, can't mistake be forgiven? i dun wan to think anymore... hasn't i think enough. think of chalet, think of games, think of food, think of events.. and so on... so much so much for me to think... i dun wan to say anymore...


Okay let me talk abt my class today... hehe.. i came to sch at 930am... den... erm.. do research.. till 1030am.. then had lunch with fac at wheelock place fish and co... i didnt ate much. jus ate tiramisu.. but doesnt taste nice at all... actually suppose to have 3rd meetin at 1230. but some news came abt saying some head are going ard to check if the facilitators release the class early.. so we got to have our 3rd meeting at 2 lo.. so at ard 1pm we leave the class to have our lunch.. return back to class at 2 plus.. with the fac.. whahah... so when the fac enter the class straight away 6th p liao.. after 6th p i went to toilet right away.. had diarrhea.. think must be becos of the milk i drank in the morning... the last time i drank milk also like dat.. it wasn't so bad till recently... last time i used to have HL milk in the morning but nothing happen.. mayb too long nv drink liao.. lol..


Day started good but ended badly... i'm still upset..

elaine and me de pic... :p

boring day.... hai.. dunnoe find what pathway mapping.. KNS.. i dunnoe what i doing also.. hard to find it online.. damm boring.. whahha.. anyway i didnt regret it la.. jus slack lo... later got band...
Hum.. yest i come to sch quite sad la.. cos the person i wan to see nv come sch.. den i sian 1/2 liao... anyway we ended sch at 12 plus.. so i reach home at 1... hehe quite happy la.. come sch for awhile onli.. from 10 plus to 12.. go home watch my corpse bride.. quite sad lo.. i tot that guy will be together with the corpse bride then the ending like erm.. not nice de.. whaha..
first rite.. that guy 'Victor' was getting married with 'Victoria'.. dunnoe why the name like dat.. whaha. but at the wedding day itself.. Victor couldn't memorise his speech.. so the wedding was cancel.. the wedding doesn't goes on smoothly... so victor went to some places no idea where was it.. cos that movie i had wasn't really clear. seem like i'm watching black and white movie.. whhahah.. then he recite his speech there... as he recite, he act out the scenario that going to happen that day.. so there is one part where he was suppose to take out his ring and put it on the bride hand... and he did that. he tot that corpse bride hand was suppose to be a tree branch or something.. then blah blah... in the end.. the corpse bride left cos she say Victor wasn't suppose to be with her. the bride should be Victoria... so Victoria came in... after dat the corpse bride became many butterfly.. KNS... i hate this kind of show... whhaha.. at first they was suppose to be together.. then many conflict come in and in the end they are still together.. hai..

after watching i went to slp till seven eight like dat... den do RJ.. den play maple till 12 plus... whahha.. then one plus slp le..

tis cute little girl

while i was walking home, my usual journey from train station to my home. lazy to climb stair so walk on the opposite pathway which i can take lift. hehe

after walking about five minutes which is after a long pathment of one block.
i heard footstep running.. hehe.. a cute little run to my side slightly infront of me.. hehe. she turn and smile to me.. then she continue walking at the same speed with me... after awhile she ask me 'where i live?' i was like am i suppose to start talking first. she is so brave... talk to someone who she don't even know. so i started talking to her lo.. she's so kawai ne... she even told me where she live. den we chat chat chat lo.. until where i suppose to cross the road of the carpark then she stop. hehe she wanted to wait for her mum.. but when we turn back rite we couldn't see her mum. hehe she was walking outside the pathway... i wait awhile then i go le.. hehe.. after awhile i hear her shouting 'jie jie' in hokkien.. so cute... she was like quite far away from me when she call me. hehe i wave to her..
i like noisy, naughty, playful kids. cos i'm just the opposite.. whaha.. i like boys better because they are more cute.. but this girl is so cute that i like her so much more than boys.. hehe..
however i hated those naughty boys at borders.. they are so terrible, anyhow throw books and run away... i even seen torn book before lo.. i wondering how could their mother not care about them and left them here...

ok...
let me talk abt my day today ba.. lol..
today i woke up late purposely.. whaha.. i very lazy to wake up la.. actually can reach sch on time de la... jus dun wan to wake up nia.. then.. i reach sch ard 10.45am. when i board the train at outram park i saw Terrence, haha.. wanted to walk to school at first. but i'm really lazy la.. so i ask if wan to share cab ma lo... lol
today is super slack day la.. i jus reach the class then Nacha come le, for second meeting. then i didnt talk much la cos i dun noe anything yet ma.. jus noe today is abt probiotic. lol. so after she came to discuss with us. i do some research, for like till 11.30 or wat can't remember. i finish my work liao... hehe then elaine and ying ying come to class. went down together to have lunch. then watch the RP Idol.. i was supporting Hafiz.. he's cool man.. whaha.. but so sad he chose the wrong song to sing.. however it's nice. hehe.. if only he can support his low voice.. maybe he will get a chance to be first instead of second. i was cheering for him till my throat dries up.. lol.. stay till 12.45 like dat. i went back to class cos 3rd meeting at 1pm. but nacha not here at 1 yet.. then slack ard arrange our ppt nicely... we are the second team to present.. so our 3rd meeting end at 2.30 like dat. before that i ask elaine and ying ying to wait for me. then she said they will wait for us at audio room. i don't know where is that.. first thing that came to my mind was the library second floor where we can watch movies and play games there. i went up there but see no one... went up and down to search for them.. call elaine and ying ying a few times but nv pick up my call.. haha cos they already left sch in the bus le.. whaha... then i meet them at orchard lo.. ying ying leaving us without shopping with us.. haha.. so elaine and me go shopping lo... dun intend to buy any thing de lor.. end up buying one long sleeve T-shirt and elaine bought two long sleeves t-shirt. after shopping i went back to band.. but do nothing there... slacking ard.. actually tot of going guitar.. but i'm seriously lazy... i even lazy to take up my clarinet to play liao.. whahaha.. then stone there for quite sometime before i decide to take out my laptop to do RJ. was about 7pm when i on my lappy. do rj listen song. supposedly daniel was to help shee rui take out the tuba to play, then shee rui went to wash mouth piece daniel start playing willie tuba liao.. then shee rui come back cannot play tuba, so she played euphonium instead. they all very funny la... today is slack slack one, we stay till like 8.30 they still dun wan to pack up.. usual practise we left before 8.30 lo.. then went to eat prata at the same place.. reach home my dad cook for me to eat again.. now still eating.. aiyo.. eat so much..

i was thinking....... bleh..

slppy.. tml still need to wake up early.. got work.. hai.. sian...

Try this when free...

http://www.anodeetcathode.net/jeux/

what an encounter!

while today everything look fine...
from my work to home...
and then..
from home to library something happen... i'm so scare la... for being approach by a guy, who isn't singaporean, and who isn't anyone white... i din't noe i was being followed by someone... it's a very scary experience. luckily it's not somewhere wu lu where no people is around...
he's a black american guy, wanted to be friend with me.. i'm wondering why... do i look like those girl that black guys like? it's not the first time i encounter this..
it's really scary that you just left your house like five minutes, and someone follow you from the road across your house to the bus stop... then near the bridge... he ask me something which i pretend that i didn't hear anything.. after that he tried again.. asking if i'm in a hurry, of cos i said yes la.. he's very annoying... they so open with thick skin... and he said something 'do singaporean don't like making friends...' i think they are scare.. lol... trying numerous time to answer him something that will make him stop asking question.. but he doesn't stop.. and now he ask mi for my number which i didnt give.. and he's like.. wanted me to give la.. he said " is either you give me your number or i follow you to the library". i was like WTH.. and i said NO of cos.. i told him that i don't wan to give you my number and dun wan you to follow me.. erm.. it kind of like a long discussion.. finally.. he said.. can i give you my number.. i said can la... take his number only ma.. then blah blah blah... then he was saying.. do u noe that i follow you from from somewhere to here just becos of you... i said really? i don't noe.. sorry abt it.. then i walk off le..
gosh... i'm alway scare of black guy i don't why.. they look more scarier than anyone else.. and so unlucky that it's alway the black guy who approach me... then at the bus stop the bus came just in time.. and i saw him crossing back the bridge..

at the library.. i tot i couldn't find any book.. and i was so shock that i didn't see the book i wanted on shelf.. becos the library got so many differect section with the same number... i was like why they make it this way so confusing... haha then i went to the info counter ask the lady where i can find this book la.. i was pointing to the other direction when she ask where i find the book. den she told me is at the other side... so i went over to the other side.. saw the same number but still cannot find the book... kind of upset... so i walk ard.. then i'm so lucky that i jus happen to see a book on herbs lying at the side of the shelf. i wonder maybe the book is here, checking on the shelf number again... i was so happy that i actually find that shelf by luck.. whahah. at first i chose to ignore it, then i think aiya go take a look la... lucky i didnt ignore it.
so that tell me something that i'm right.
Ignorance shouldn't be the word in me... whahaha.

hum... not sure why wor.. i'll still think of you.. but then i don't feel anything for u le.. it doesn't matter anyway... if one day you were to come back, i will still accept ba.. cos i'm a very yi xin yi yi de ren(got this chi yu ma haha, should be chuan yi rite)... whahaha.. then at that time i think will erm.. shouldn't tell u... : p must pass ur driving test. not oly tat la. erm.. do good in everything.. yeah!

Let's put an end...

i have no idea whether i'm rite or wrong...
what's the problem here.... it's not anything big... why people can't just be simple and all... why do they have to make such an small thing to something big...

if only i had kept my mouth shut... and if only every kept their mouth shut... hai..

though it might not involve me... well... i simple feel it is really my fault... i'm really upset abt myself. for making things big...

why can't people give way to each other, have u heard of once bitten twice shy. once is enough why do you have to say it the second time... and you dun jus hurt ones' feeling but this time two.

while it might be what you felt, but then again. did you ever reflect about what you have done? you might not be aware who are those you will hurt.
i dun see a different between what the both of you said. at first A said B shouldn't have said those word. after that B noe abt it, to make thing worse this person C said something which A shouldn't even be told. blame on the itchy mouth. then again A said something even worse. dun you think A is the same as B both of them said something that shouldn't be said to the public. while though is in different way, however message can be deliver to the respective person.

now whoes fault is it this time. C feel that it's her fault, if only she kept her mouth shut... nothing worse will come...
Okay.... i think if only each of you give way to each other, and trying not to say words that hurts.. it would be fine rite.. how i wish i can be either one of you so that i will give way.. can i apologise on behalf of both of you.. can you guys drop it, put an end to it.. Let bygones be bygones... can pretend nothing has happen.. further more its quite long le, don't let it drag anymore... i don't wan both of you to be hurt by each other. pls give me peace...

Comment me..

Hey frenz

feel free to comment abt me ya... thanks.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Melyn

realise that i didnt blog for very very long time liao.. hehe. busy with stuff or wat, erm.. not too sure...
But is mostly due to my blog has change... lol.. cos i wanted to create my own blog.. but end up deleting it without saving.. wth.. lol. so i'm lazy to do it all over again, must well get blog skin from some other people.. lol.. much more easier..

jus givin myself a break from studying my very last UT of the year.. hehe.. i'm so happy that last UT finally come, and i going to year 3 soon.. i hope to get it over soon..

well.. another thing is that i got a FYP project le.. i'm so happy.. i got it fast enough... nv tot it would be so soon, our grp was still thinking what project to do few weeks ago. then we saw a mail, so went down to library for a briefing, that fac couldn't decided which grp to choose cos too many grp came down that day. so he ask us to sent a email to him saying what we have done about planting before.. so we were all bullshitting, and some copy and paste note from web.. that's how we got it, whahah...

still got exactly 2 weeks, but 7 days of schooling to sch holiday.. looking forward to it.. hehe.

hum.. one more thing, i finally think i get over it liao.. but i'm not too sure yet. :) maybe i got tired of it le.. hehe. or maybe i know what i wan? lol...
Hope you pass ur driving lesson soon. good luck to ya..
the feeling is not that strong but it's still there... there will still be space for ya.

Ya.. just now looking for drink... saw a few pack of milk, so i tot i can overcome the taste of milk already.. then i went to take a slip.. well it's still sucks... i dun understand why some people can take the taste of milk, does it taste really different in the mouth of different people? pondering...