tuesday working...

saw a little boy playing with the floor stack of books... he's so cute and innocent... hehe... he was removing the some books from the floor stack, i went to him...
" what ya doing boy?" smiling to him la... haha. for that moment he was kind of stun i think.. i shock him.. hahaha... anyway i put back those books that he put on the floor back.. then left the last book he put it back himself.. haha.. then after that he went to tell his dad that he put back the book... haha cute sia... he very chubby lor... hehehe

to my beloved......

family problems.. who doesn't have it...
the reason i study may not be for myself.. i jus like the feeling of being in sch... frankly speaking, i'm very lazy when comes to study... trying hard not to let the laziness take over mi...

i really believe in fate (not faith)... who ever we are, what ever we can do is not within our control... God has already lay the path for us, we can choose another road. it may not be as good. for this moment, jus do what ever we want, as long as we are able to. we can choose the bad or good path... good path required lots of work and effort, while bad one will be easier... however, choosing the wrong path.. you won't be any happier... it may not be the one you wan...
what ever it is... if you think is better this way then you should go ahead...
i would say try not to give up on anything till the last moment when you really cannot take it, then come to think abt it again.. it won't be too late...
dun worry about anything, tml will comes its way.... tml will be a better day perhap...

had fun today... thanks to my dearest president, QM and this gal clarinet section rep... hahaha...
it's sherline first time went into pub and drink alcohol i think... underage leh... still can go in whahah...
i've been wanting to get a drink for myself lately... finally i got it... though wasn't strong, while it's alright... hahah... ming cong treat us leh... so nice of u... haha...
sherline and my face were so red... haha though it's like sherline first time and it isn't my first time... jus will go red regardless of how much i drank... mine was like a little redder then her.. whahah...
after drink went to nydc to eat.. hehe..
overall we enjoy ourself.. oh ya before that... i was working in the morning till 2... then went to glosz house after that... rpws comm was already there... haha...bought ice cream for them... 50 cents hehe... then i bought daniel a present cos i tot it suits him well... want to get everybodys one present jus that got to wait cos dunnoe wat to buy yet... hehe... ur turn will come...


yeah... anyone wan to sponsor mi hair cut... at 25 bucks.. whahaha...

a very sweet, nice, and cute clip... enjoy urself

http://www.tongcom.co.kr/dingani_13.htm

i'm very happy recently... not sure why things jus came smoothly as i wan to...
sometimes when i jus tot of a things, or jus thinking if it would happen, i tot it wouldn't happen... but when i look straight, it was there without further thoughts...

i not sure how i going to do it for my study... each time i think i very scare i could not graduate with diploma... i hope god would help me in this area, which i'm really weak in... i jus not used to studying so hard, i couldn't take so much stress, i will cry...
i very scare but i dunnoe how to start...
sometime i really feel like quiting my work... i couldn't take it... but i really got no choice... i jus wan to concentrate on study for now... but how? with my work requiring mi to work at least 20 hrs a week.... hai... worrying abt so much stuff in life is so tiring...
crying in my heart
i'm not as strong as i used to when i jus came to RP...



especially these few days... have been alway waiting to c him... tot that i would nv get to c him this holiday... hum... keep seeing him these days after he's back... 3 times in a row (in 2 days)... couldn't believe it also...
in market, walk pass each other in train station (he was just next to me and he didn't see mi, :( sob sob..), at the bus stop (took the same bus too)

few days back still thinking if i will see him outside... as i tot, i will only be able to c him in sch...
not sure y heaven is making mi happy... i guess i'm crazy... really miss him... how would i able to let it go...
anyway... whether if i'm with him or not... i will be jus glad ... for that past memories that this guy had given mi... thanks ya...
for that, this guys has given mi a chance that i will nv forgets, i would say that he's the nicest boyfriend i ever have ( i'm so touched)
wish you good luck, and all the best...
the door will alway be open for you...
currently we (everyone) should focus on our goals first ba (study, hehe)... it's not the time to be involve in relationship yet... it takes time and patient for each other...

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

^
|

some are true... lol... some dunnoe, some not at all...

You Should Get a PhD in Science (like chemistry, math, or engineering)

You're both smart and innovative when it comes to ideas. Maybe you'll find a cure for cancer - or develop the latest underground drug.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

You Should Learn Japanese

You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture. From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko!

What Language Should You Learn?

Your Birthdate: October 25

You excel at anything difficult or high tech. In other words, you're a total (brilliant) geek. It's difficult for you to find people worth spending time with. Which is probably why you'll take over the world with your evil robots! Your strength: Your unfailing logic Your weakness: Loving machines more than people Your power color: Tan Your power symbol: Pi Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

woke up at 11 plus today... then went back to sleep again.. cos still early for the concert.. hehe then wake up at one thirty.. actually tot of staying at home dun wan to go concert one... haha... but anyway jus go lor.. since at home got nothing to do also. that daniel even worse woke up at 2pm when our concert is abt 1 hr away.. super li hai... and sherline told mi that... she went to his house to press the door bell, call his house and his phone... no one ans... whahaha... daniel pei fu ni... hahaha... ya.. so i tot i can do my thing slowly lor... suppose to meet at 2.30pm.. everyone was late... when i reach there tot that someone already there, i was shocked when i reached and tot i ended up in the wrong place... no one was there yet... started to panick... whaha.. jus called whoever that i knew they r coming... got to know that everyone going to be late.. so jus wait there lor...
the concert was quite boring at first... dun really know how to appreciate classical music... sherline was slping half way through the concert... the last few pieces were very nice... actually we go to the concert becos of sherline lor.. whahaha... at first all of us say dun wan to go de.. hehe..but we are there already so must as well lor.. after concert went to marina square wanted to have carl's juniors... after some decision went to cafe cartel.. hehe... then go to willie's work place to have some ice cream and drinks... hehe.. after that go city link buy sherline's frenz's stuff... then go home...
at first tot of going home... then when i reach outram park going towards NEL.. then i remember i haven't meet up with my old frenz very long le.. so call Bing wei up... hehe... he's at commenwelth (watever the spelling)... jus abt to go home... hum.. at first wanted to go there meet him.. then he said the car dunnoe can take so many people or not.. watever it is end up meeting him at commenwelth mrt... his dad drive and fetch us to his place there (my old house)... whahaha... hum... bing wei's bro sounded like someone... hehe... hum... then talk talk talk to him at playground till abt 12 when i was abt to go home... but i need to go toilet first... haha then when we want to go take cab rite saw siew li... then talk to her till 12.45am like dat then go home.. hahah... hum.. that's all for the day...

guys pls stop approaching mi... or crossing over the line of friendship... it never happens... try again! and there you goes... BYE...
i'm not going to treat anyone nice... want to know wat i will do? try it then...

so much to learnt in life...

In life...
Sometimes i got it... sometimes i dun... got to depends... only till i see it then will i understood... must it alway happens this way? wouldn't it be a little too late? sometimes... it's better to prevent it then let it happen. take a step back then... walk the other way instead... only then you wouldn't get yourself or other hurt...
anyway... i would rather let it happen, then to leave mi guessing all the way...
should i cont'? or take another path... i guess i wouldn't choose to take another path, i shall cont' till i see an exit rite? giving up isn't the rite way...

every door that i exit, i enter another door...

Super tired.

today very suai lor... super sian.. not my day... everything jus happened wrongly... firstly... wasn't suppose to take cab to sch in the morning.. cos promise myself, not to take cab anymore, realise i spent to much on cab... but today i really got no choice.. i estimated the wrong time... though is jus nice.. but becos of my status got to come early... hai... anyway i took cab from red hill to school so wasn't that bad... then saw jy, aisha and hui ling, so ask them to pop in lor... whahah... hum... after band i tot got guitar... super angry... today jus every thing screw up... tot that got guitar so went to eat quite fast and all so that i won't be that late for guitar... but end up realising that it start at 4pm wasted all my effort...
aisha asked 'am i still in the guitar com.. i was wondering too... wasn't the com suppose to know everything... and yet i know none... while partly it's my fault, however... people should sent out email to the rest of the members, and should make sure everyone's know there's prac isn't it? even some of the members dun know also... well... sometime i think i should involve but sometimes i think i shouldn't cos everyone's not doing their job, so why should i? further more, i'm less frequent these days... though i have the right, but how will people feel? i dun noe... jus let it be lor... i can forsee the future... i dun wan that to happen. problem is that... it's doesn't take 1 to move everything, it takes all... without the help of each other, and without anyone moving, there won't be movement. it'll jus stay on like this and eventually fade off...
ok.. enough of comment...
well next... my job... actually i dun wan to go work today... however.. i still force myself to go cos i dun wan to waste money to take MC... when i reach there... i went to check my schedule of the day... my name doesn't seem to appear there... hum.. i was wondering... i was kind of happy at first... hai.. but hor... i jus wan to confirm... so went to check with the manager... in the end they wan mi to work... so sian... hai... i was so happy lor tot i can go home rest or wat... hai...
it's a long and tiring day... and i was doing shelving all the way from the time i started working till end... and the books alot lor.. crazy people.. angry with customer.. haha.. why can't they jus put back the books.. and sometime it's jus put it back only lor... it's not that you have to walk... then i saw Lian Siong... think he was buying books or CDs.. then i asked him why not ask mi to buy for him.. got discount.. hehe.. then he said next time lor... whahaha
that's all for the day...

Do ur best girl...

yesterday i took cab to sch... the uncle talk to mi from my home to the sch... like talking to my close frenz... the uncle very nice... he asked mi how long more to finish the poly... it's abt 1 and a 1/2 yr more, he told me since i still have so long to go... why not work less and study more.. and i think it's true, better then you earn now but end up paying more in future... he said that student needs encouragement, but i'm really happy that someone actually motivates mi... really very touch.. haha... but recently i still haven stablise myself, i could hardly find time to study.. anyway.. i decided abt my time table when sch reopen.. so i would find time to study for all the modules... i guess this time i must really do it.. but i very scare there's more things coming in... my study has been declining... i nv study for ut nv attend for ut.. and all... rite now going to rest to the fullness, play to the max, and study like crazy... that's how life suppose to be rite? hum... but i need support... i would break down once i reach the climax, i need encouragement..

In deep shit...

gotten myself into this shit... where i wasn't suppose to be in... No idea how to get myself out of this... for as far as i know, i didn't want to do anything abt it.. i hope it jus remain like this or jut get over it as time pass by...
i dun want to get irritated, i dun want to lose my anger and so on... pls get myself away away from all these...

trip from kl...

i got so much to write but i'm lazy...
it was so fun at KL...
we took train there... train suppose to leave at 2245 but it doesn't, the gate only open at 2230 when we suppose to board... it takes some time to get into the train... first time taking train... quite fun.. the train super jerky, i'm not used to it, so didnt manage to get a good slp in the train... anyway mi elaine and veron were talking till 1 or 2 plus... we are the only people awake and talking in that cabin and it was very quiet...haha...
when we reach there the malaysia train station around 7 plus... was quite lost... we dun noe where our hotel was located, went to search for map, wanted to buy it but in the end jus browse it onli.. felt bad.. but couldn't be bother... whahah... knew that our hotel was located at shah alam (think i spelled correctly) but have little idea abt getting there... so jus went to search for train to reach there... the train station at other places doesn't look like train stop, look more like bus stop... and it's quite slow, slower then car... took quite long to reach from one station to another. inside the train was wet, no idea why, couldn't be the rain rite... maybe they didn't dry it after they washed it and jus let the customer board the train.. then we can't put our bag on the floor, i put it on my leg though i knew it's a little dirty... managed to reach the hotel by cab after we reached the station... it's 6RM to the hotel... check it blah blah blah... at that time it's around 9 plus or 10...
was sick on the first day, due to not enough slp... it's damm irritating... keep sneezing.... had secret recipe in the morning... then went to shop for drink and snack for our stay in hotel so that we get something to eat during the night... went to KLCC and lot 10(i guess, haha forgot le..), transportation by the hotel bus to there at around 1530... then ate at a jap resturant at roughly 7pm... super cool.. super nice... i really like jap food... i guess we can hardly get such an nice jap food in singapore with such an reasoable price... guess that the only place we can get is at those high class resturant... the whole meal was around 20 plus RM... so cheap rite... then after dinner went back to KLCC shop awhile then go back to hotel le, so left that at 9pm... i bought something at lot 10... but not for myself.. hehe...
next day went to sunway... wow... that's cool... first we had the roller coster thing... call wat? 'lost gold ...' something one la.. then went to wet park... wet park was fun but nothing much too... dry park even worst... haha.. a few thing to play only.. but after awhile everyone's tired le... haha... especially after the 360 degree turn... that one is damm sick... a few round was quite fun but after awhile kind of sick, feeling a bit giddy... not only mi, everyone feeling the same too... so they stop play all the games and rest for quite a long time... then mi, ying2, veron, and her sis went on playin... at first we also kind of sian liao... but after we went to the wild wild west or (wet) watever... hahah... the feeling is back... haha so went to ask the rest of them to play also lor... then all happily go to the wet park again... then play play till abt 5 or 6 la.. i've got the worst sun burn.. haha not sure y.. went to the sunway pyramid, then go eat at A & W... then go home at 9 pm also hehe... standard time for them to fetch us la...
third day... also the day when we leave KL... went to berjaya times square but nothing there... cos we all shop enough le... elaine bought her levi's jean... she so happy lor.. hehehe... then we decided to go to petaling street (chinatown) very fun there... we jus walk anyhow, anywhere... like we are in our own world didnt even bother if we are lost.. however we didnt... whahaha... quite cool there... i really enjoy walking through all these wuloo street... hai... time were kind of tight, got to rush back to the hotel to get our stuff, then rush to sunway pyramid to meet veron cousin... then had dinner then they fetch us back to the train station... arrived in singapore at 8 plus.. reach home at 8 pass 9.. super tired.. then i got to rush to band camp le...
i was having so much fun there... didnt even bother about anything... then the first day arriving the first call i made gave mi headache... called mind cong in the train at abt 8... then he told mi lots of things happen and that the band room was booked... damm irritated.. felt like crying at that point of time... and like going to F*** up that stupid IG who book our room... why made our room open to all... there is a performance hub down there...and there's annex hall there... why can't they used that... didnt they used their brain... F*** them upside down man...
anyway band camp was super fun super touching...but i wan to slp le.. next time then type... heheh.. good nite dear frenz.. love ya guys..

going KL...

i'm going KL in a few hrs time... oh yeah.. lol... going to take train there... it's abt 8 hrs.. so going to slp all the way there... hum... after dat.. dunnoe how liao... hehe.. update again...

i'm sorry...

i didn't realise it... i cried out when i read it... though i noe you might have none, and i still ask from u...
for the sake of myself... i didn't realise i'm so selfish... i knew i was.. but i jus wanted to enjoy myself for awhile... i didn't know you were having hard time...
i didn't know what the hell i did... i kept quiet when you shouted at me i was upset too... after that... you msg mi, i was touched by the things you did... sorry for my wildness... appreciate what you done... in times we need to help each other out...
come to all this, i'm not good at all... i don't know how to do it... i'm very bad at it...

Suddenly i lost myself...

I seriously lost myself...
not sure how to bring myself back together again... too tired to do anything... i haven been in sch for 2 days... sound like humpty dumpy... hehe... but seriously... i feel like i have broken into pieces... all the things i wan to do i couldnt finish... i really hated the feeling... when i couldn't find the things, and couldn't finish it when actually i can... i feel like i got sort of attitude problem... i couldn't let go of anything... i scare once i let it go i can nv bring it back again, and i won't have the energy to bring it back... that's why keep reminding about it in my mind... perhaps that's why i feel stress... that's why and so on...
feel like running out... catching up with someone... running in the rain... hope the rain can help me wash off all the useless and unhelpful things, hope that it can clear my mind, hope that it can lighten my load... and hope that... so much so much...
god help me pls...
i do love god, i do love everyone, i nv blame on anyone though is their mistake. maybe sometimes i blame.. but is temporary... i dun meant it... i may be striaght forward, i meant it though, but once it's over means it's over, jus dun do it again... i'm alright... everyone makes mistake including mi... noe your mistake and be done with it... why need to hold on to it for too long... making others feel bad? treating each others like enemies? m i sensitive? too much of emotion carrying out in my heart... how can i let go? can someone help me with it...
really feel like crying... m really scared... i'm not strong as i used to be... rest is wat i needed most i think... but i couldnt spent so much time on resting, i won't be able to catch up with the things that left it there for mi to finish.... how...
Battle with myself... i lost to myself... need time to recover...

i felt so stress, felt useless, upset, inferior, etc... so much things i'm not satisfied with myself.
I needed someone to talk to me, it can't be anyone.
needed for mi to rely on. felt that i couldn't hold on to so much stuff. needed someone to shared my workload with mi... of cos it can't be one way...

i'm so tired i want to rest... who will i be able to rest on... who can make mi feel safe...

_ ______ ____ ___... ____ _ ___
_______ ....

i Felt hurt...

hurt by something which i had long forgotten.. eventually i didnt... jus happen that.. i was so busy with stuff... that i didnt even have time to recall... while i think is not... i dunnoe... too many stuff coming in... and too many stuff going out of me... i jus dun noe what to accept and what to give up... end up giving up and taking in the wrong stuff.
Busy till i lost concentration... i forgot how to concentration on one stuff.. i dunnoe how to put my mind clear of other stuff...

now telling myself... jus let go of everything... take up a things only after each time i complete the other. take a step back when i loss myself... control my mind dun let my mind control me... last of all relax...
can't do fast enough... while... do the more important, and easiest one first... eventually things will get easier and lighter...
the only thing i noe, jus be patient enough... everything can be done..

Dedicate to All Wind Sym members...

Wooooow..... Performances finally over.... Great Job guys... can hear us on tv... not bad ar!
Thanks to all the people who has preserved till now... who has makes us sound like one, without one, we might not be able to make it. Yeah? haha. love u guys... You guys really done very well compare to the rest of the performances, this time is real great. can ya feel it? we have onli been together for a short term, roughly going to nine months. and we did it once again... Let's do it One More Time! Yeah!... hehe... so dun have time for you all to relax ar... band camp coming next... COMM!!! need to prepared for it le... Jia You! Believe in urself...

Performance On Sat...

it's killing us... i'm damm tired rite now, onli got abt less then 4 hrs of slp... and couldn't slp well too, becos of the stupid ghost trail thing.... people downstair shouting, and talking, wake mi up at 3 plus... sian... i tot is five le... scare then dun join la... crazy... join to scare yourself... worth it ma... rite now, i'm like half dead... jus reach home onli and finish bathing le... time now is 8:04 pm...
it's only a one day overnight but seem like a three days camp... fri nite, onli a few of us in and room... WHERE DID THE REST GO! we practise and practise till like 8.30pm (it's one day le). start moving all the instrument down. till about 9 plus like dat. then bring our belonging to the tower north level 3, super tired when we reached there, cos carry all the heavy stuff. haha but we got very nice food... like japanese bian dan. then everything settle down le and bathed le, so do wat... RJ la... sickening... almost all the yr 2 and 3 were rushing for RJ in the last 1 and a half hrs. then this and dat... wait for sherline and mabel to bath la.. cos sherline came late. then blah blah blah... till 1 plus then slp. wake up at 5, wash up all these, then pack our things within 45mins... but we took more then tat, then the Manu already reach at 5.45 like dat... the guys got to rush over there... haha then we abit slower la... reached there around 6 lor... then we slack there la, cos the guys doing the moving of instrument up to the truck... the truck left around 6.30am. not sure wat time we left but i think we reach there before 7 or slightly later then 7 cos i dun have watch with mi... guess wat... we haven had our breakfast... lucky yesterday plan to buy bread, jus in case... onli had the breakfast provided for us at 10 plus, close to 11 which is after everything had finish... then got tour around the campus... hai... one of the SA guys damm stupid make a joke which isn't funny at all and said i'm telling a joke... and kind of stupid la, so we was like HA HA HA HA... very loudly... after the tour... took photo here and there... very tired... then take photo till 12 plus la... then moved the instument le... oh ya before that... during the free time.... RPWS eat like mad... haha eat non stop... wonder how big our stomach can stored. the food is nice la.. hahaha... got three different area for the buffet thing... then i think i took more then three times lor... each time at diff area... haha.. cos the food is diff, i like the cheese cake... a very small one... is very nice... ya after all this nonsense stuff, at first in the bus we were quite noisy... but after that nothing to sing and talk le... everybody slp... the bus ride is abt 1 hr... very long lor... but we was so tired that we didnt even care... jus slp till we reach lor..
then move the instrument again lor... and the bus cannot go up to blk A... we got to carry the instrument to block A... sickening... hehe... ming cong went to ask the security to bungy ride us up... hahaha... the bungy stuffed with dunnoe how many instruments lor... i very scare that the bungy can't go up the slope... haha.. but it can lor... not bad ar... then slack in band room... dunnoe doing what stuff la... then aisha, jy, and mi playing with sponge ball.. throwing around... whahhaa... quite stupid la... slack here slack there 3 le so left the band room and mi, jy and aisha went to tiong bahru to eat KFC... hahah eat again... we chit chat till 6 plus lor... i slept in the train... and i didnt noe i missed the stop, missed 2 some more, tot i was still at douby ghaut lor.. then took back the train reach home around 7.30 like dat... so here i am writing all these stuff... cos very long nv write le... so feel like writing before i go slp.. tml need to wake up at 6 plus... got work...
JY jus told mi we were on TV... ya.. got channel news asia, media crops coming to shoot the ministers and all... then i not sure y... some of them went to take photo with minister... i saw them but didnt noe they were talking photo with him.. but i just join in... whahahhaha... :p
Rite now... i looked like panda... black eye very obvious... no need to put make up... hahaha... wan the black effect of eye shadow? and i can barely carry heavy stuff now... overstrain my muscle... can feel the stretch and pain of my shoulder to my hand...

How much things i do recently...

First very important... schooling... studying from 8 to 5 for mon,tue, thur, and fri.

Usually on mon and thur got test... so study on sun and wed...

the rest of the days.. work... wed 8 to 5, sat maybe 8 to 2, sun 8 to 5.

next IGs...
band tue and thur from 5.30 to around 9pm.
Guitar Fri around same time...

Next reading...

Lastly... Games...

Occasionally... performing, planning for Band stuff, doing admin stuff, meetings, think of plan as well as planning for it, and blah blah blah...

so usually sleep at 12 wake up at 6 plus... 6 hrs of slp everyday... no nap... no extra slp... hai...

Not sure how i going to cope... currently... i'm quite worried abt my pp... cos i haven found anyone yet... i dun dare to approach leh... hai... i worried that they reject mi. actually... i noe what to do, i have a brief idea le... but haven write out yet... dun have time... and i have lots of resources to look at... hai... i planning to write lots of stuff... i need guidenance... ai yo... headache... i jus need time to plan out all the things... hai... and i need time to find people... that's the most worring part... not easy lor... all those people are like big people out there who doesn't wan to be interview, and all... so i kind of lower down my expectation... hai...

Boring...

Haven't been so boring and so free till today... i really got nothing to do. today sch was quite easy, then class end early at 2.30 like dat... got meeting at 4.30 so stay in class to do rj till then lor... by the time i just finish my rj lor... but haven submit yet cos i still wan to add something, but then when i reach home jus add 1 or 2 more lines then submit le... haha... so after meeting went to eat at red hill... hum.. eat the same thing i had in sch this morning... ji shi noodle... hahah... didnt realise it till i ate it... hai... crazy mi... after that... i bought bo bo cha cha home.. quite tired... was reading books in the train but fall asleep... then now at home rj submitted le, dunnoe what to do leh, dun feel like watchig tv... but like there's so much things waiting for mi... jus couldn't be bother.. hehe... but i wan to do something.. hahha... maybe go slp is a better idea... whahaha... but slping is like wasting of time... gosh...

Right now... i'm thinking of something... shouldn't think too much... think i going slp... having sligh flu rite now... guess that my slping time kept adjusting recently...

White...

miss it. hoping my dreams comes true soon... i will be very happy, but guess that i cant put so much time on it. but i dun mind. jus hoping a chance will come by, take mi there to my destination. i love that.
something missing in my life which i'm always foreseeing it.
unwilling to give up till i see it.
it takes a sec to take but a millions years to give up. for some reason, i guess... i have never given up anything. hoping to maintain this way.

i going to slp... tml another new day... hoping to c something happening... yeah... nite guys...

Happy today...

hum... ok first... i suppose to meet ying2 at 9.40am at douby ghaut MRT. and i woke up late... at 10 you noe... hahaha... didnt even noe she called mi.. guess that i'm still in my dreams dun feel like waking up, cos it's a nice dream. hoping it to come true... and guess, it wun. so after awhile i realise my phone is ringing, then i wake up suddenly, realising abt the time... haha so quickily call back lor... then i reach there around 11am... wahhah... ya then drag here drag there... go buy things... ya shop around NTUC for dunnoe how long and deciding what to cook and wat to buy... haha... ok.. ended up making brownie, cookies, chocolate fondue with fruits, and milk shake... whahha... still have some cookies and brownies in my bag rite now. that elaine ar.. keep saying wan to go home... haha... so trying ways to stop her from going home... lol... so drag her to stay with us till around six plus lor... then at veron house hor.. she was saying wanted to go wash hair at salon, asking want to go or not. haha... then i wanted to cut hair too... hehe... so after all the nonsense things, wait here wait there, then we left her house. went to toa payoh to cut my hair and she wash her hair.. ying2 sitting there alone reading comics and listening to music.. haha... i got my hair cut in about less then half an hour i think. and veron haven't done with her hair yet... and i have to pay more ex then her... haha like not worth it.. but ok la, jus abt 18 bucks. lots of things to say.. but then... lazy to type...
and ya... on tue rite.. guess who i saw... i dunnoe his name, and he's from the chinese show Vampire 3 (wo he jian shi you ge yue hui 3). wan yuan bupoa... at first i tot is someone else who looks like him... then pei xuan told mi is the who lor... then who lor.. haha... mi and her walk pass him lor.. they were shooting something i think... it was quite a weird place to see him la.. at little india. must be wondering why i was there rite... well... i got nothing to do after work... so call up daniel jus happen that they were working at little india, so i meet up with them... and then work with them too.. haha... their job hor damm bo liao lor... haha.. pei xuan got to walk around surveying people... and through small alley with lots of indian around, and it's so weird to have a chinese appearing in that street. poor her...

Today (31st October 05)

Wow... time past so fast... it's already one month... Our fifth problem le... fast rite... seems like it was last week that sch start but it's not...
Monday...
THink that the lesson on Immunology was quite tough.. but then.. somehow it's relaxing... not sure why.. easy Rj completed it in less then an hour? lol... went to library after school... photocopied notes... find cook books for thur... haha going veron house... cool rite.. whahaha... hum... then left mi and ying2. first elaine left after she has photocopied her stuff... then veron left after she found her cookbook... haha..
so what we do in library... ya.. do RJ!!! hum... we wasted lots of time.. chit chatting, looking for books, photocopying, wat else eat and slack there... and realise that the time was already going 6 when we started to do RJ... haha... so do RJ... and nonsense thing in the library till it closed... after dat went to eat.. haha... went Jurong east.. wat a bo liao day... lol... for ying ying sake.. i went there you noe... she's going JB... and she is meeting her mum at 9.15pm at the custom... and guess wat we left Jurong entertainment at 8.30pm... lol... and she got to rush to Kranji, so i accompanied her by taking the red line... and because of her again... whahha... so went past a stop which makes me think about it. have been thinking recently... missing it badly... sitting in the MRT tell mi that... never look back... dun start there... it goes on... yeah?... hehe... my destination is at the other place (of cos my house, hehehe)... yah... after a stop or a few Ying2 left mi... so took out my book and start reading lor... (american gods by neil gailman) hum... quite a nice book.. yup.. then fall asleep... haha too tired.. then got a old man.. sat beside me... he's quite weird.. dunnoe what he's doing.. he's taking up so much space that left mi with little space for movement... and i'm feeling so uncomfortable, then so irritated that i didnt lie on the chair, just sit half of the seat lor... lucky going off soon... hehe... ya... not much thing when i got home... hehe... tml got work at 8AM... need to wake up at 6 45 like dat.. and i'm waiting for ming cong call... he so late... wan to slp le... lol...

Currently...

Thanks ya guys for supporting me... hehe...
also... thanks those who has greet me... no time to say thanks ya to u guys... hehe... sorry abt it...
So glad that holidays has come... but it's only three days... got lots of things to do. it's not enough... surprisingly that i got the energy to do all those... jus dat i dun have enough time. hum... hehe tue and wed got work.. thur go my frenz house... yeah... we got to enjoy there man... it's a once in a million chance to go to frenz house... not sure y this sem... frenz really meant alot to mi. really enjoy with them. not jus onli frenz la.. my band too... really got to commit myself into it... gosh... Jus hope that i can do it. promise wun let ya guys down... yeah?
Ya... Congrats to all who got into the committee... out of so many we can only choose one. and after that... looking for people to be in the post. guess that it's really cruel, and kind of sensitive thing. hai... felt sorry for those who didnt get the post they wanted to... anyway, ya guys still got years to go. can't do it this year, next year lor... yeah? I'm kind of feeling bad when i c myself doing so little for the band, while for the rest of the band members they really wan to contribute to the band. maybe that's where my motivation comes from. my engine start moving, and it can't be stop rite now... whahha...hai... but lots of thing waiting for mi to do leh...
1st - studies...
2nd - Band
3rd - Frenz
4th - Work
5th - Guitar

Hum... currently... this is how i rank it... whahah. so tired...

hai.... think i got to improve myself next week... kept coming late on fri... last time is on wed now is on fri... and becos of late i got C for 3 times... i'm not sad abt that. i knew i will get it. cos i'm very late. alway reach around 10 plus... hai... how sia... and i would have gotten a better grade then this if it's not for lateness... realise it is not worth it. further more it's not that i did nothing on that day. hum... should change asap...

Next... got everything new... coping with everything new... i love that challange... whahha... but quite tiring leh... hum... first new job, then new sem, new hair, new post, everything new. like complete make over... whahha... i think this sem... really makes a big difference to mi. i feel fresher now, compare to last sem. this sem... though sometime i still dun get it. but it somehow lighten lots of weight from mi. perhaps, it is due to less one module to take care of.

no time to finish... going slp... cont next time...

I'm missing...

Missing my frenz out there... haven been meeting them for such a long time... hoping to c them soon... but dunnoe when...

Missing my instruments, left it in band room... though it jus yesterday since i touch it... we had a really long played... couldn't control my mouth yesterday, it was far beyond my limit, but i'm trying to build up, i dun wan to be in there for three years and learn nothing. I'm happy enough to play there for a year, and though didnt' really learn alot alot, erm... ok la... i also dun noe if i got improve. but i feel that i didn't, onli slightly.

Missing my frenz in band... they really make a diff in my life... they are cool, fun, cute, joker. they made my day end happier.

Missing the sound of band...

And of cos someone out there... whahaha.. a handsome dude...

so sad... there is so many things that i'm missing...

i miss out guitar... erm... i've given up my hope... only when today jennifer conducting, i feel better... i really prefer her to be the instructor. she adjust not just the rythm but the sound too. that's wat instructor should do. and not alway repeating the same thing and care all abt rythum, though it comes first, but we have being playing it for so many times, till i got sick of it. i'm feeling that, there isn't any thing that makes mi stay... people keep saying sian... but they do nothing abt it... making people more sian... i really dun feel like performing, i dun wan to feel failure...

As times goes by i start to forget... and then reminding myself again later in part of my life...
The things you see it, you want it, but you cant have it. that's how sad life is. hum... you can if you work hander for it. guess, most of the things can, but u need to work for it. things doesn't come easily rite? jus that in some part of your life you choose not to have it, cos you dun need it anyway, it's jus the feeling of having it. sometime it makes a difference but at times it don't.

hum... wat i think...

Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship, never

Love, with very young people, is a heartless business. We drink at that age from thirst, or to get drunk; it is only later in life that we occupy ourselves with the individuality of our wine.

Bored... that happens when i'm alone, when i'm thinking, when i'm free, when ...

suddenly... it's back again...

got to know that it'll nv happen.

Funny quote...

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love
Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with men
Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks - erm.. is this true???
Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece
You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.
A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them

Working on sun...

Hey... yesterday i saw a very cute boy... he's really cute... and expressive... whaha... guess what? he bring a book to his mum of who ever i dun noe... then he said. 'i'm scaring you...' and the tone he said it was really cute... then he open the page to his mum and said it again... i was there luffing... but the bad thing is that we have to pick up those book those rascal bring around... and the whole of borders really hate kids section... while maybe i should say kids... whahah... erm... i do to... but when i see them rite... they are really cute, and they make u luff and keep you thinking abt their action... especially hyperactive kids... but sometime you get headache of them... cos they kept running around banging into people, and sometime they fall down, makes mi luff... cos their reaction damm slow.. they get up... then walk a few steps... saw their parent run to them... and wat they do... cry... whahhaha... isn't that funny and try looking into their eyes... it's real funny...and their parents were luffing at them too...

Wind Sym new com coming out

I kind of scare and kind of happy... scare becos of the position i will get, happy becos got new people to help... and hopes they dun gives much problem... hope that i will remain in my position.... i dun mind having this pos... cos quite easy... not much thing... whahha... let's c wat daniel will get? and wat MC will get... hum... not sure MC will come more often if he got a better pos with more responsible? hard to predict...

it doesn't make a diff

Hum... guess that no one really cares... whether you are around or not... it will jus be the same. i'll be there doing my own stuff... learning my own things... think i really kind of give up... wat i wan isn't jus abt playing alone, if that's wat i wan, mus well go yamaha and learn. i have been lowering mself so much so much... time taken was too long... wasted half a year... half a year of my time there's alot i can do. well... there is people who can play well there, there is people hu is willing to teach... admit that i'm kind of unwillingly... cos wat i do? sit there... teach them watch them... wat else? wat i gain... nothing.. at the end of the day.. jus tired (go home slp better, got people to replace mi)...
if people cant clicked well, tat person dies off... even if he tried his best to stay, it doesn't make a point also, cos it doesn't belong to there at first. it jus like north pole animal moving to the equator and staying with the animal there, the end result is dying there. i lost my good frenz there... should go back to where i belong....
hai... went for wind sym meeting today... well lots more intesting and challenging things coming up... i dun understand why the yr three can do so much in wind sym and why not the yr 3 in genre? the people are the same, from the same couse and so on...only 3 of the yr three hanging there and pushing the whole band, i really appreciate them alot alot... i really have no idea... wat will happen next time when the new com takes over? will they be the same as them? for mi i think they really do very well, i guess i couldn't be as good as them but i'm willing to try. and they did a good job, i will feel guilty if i dun. maybe they are e first batch and they went through alot... and the years 2 went through hard time with them too... and those days were memorable... laughter, work, though there is complaing and getting angry with each other... but then, we get over it after we vent out. people leaves and comes... well... i'm happy that i've met them... but it's kind of sad when the people are close to us left... if only all of them stay, that would be great... and i'm really glad that those who are still here stay on... they make us looks like a band at least... Daniel, you really did a great job by maintaning all those instrument in shape.. haha... sad that jy left u alone... Knoe it's hard to maintain both study and band and do well in both. we decide for our own things... if choose to pick up then you have to maintain it, got to learn, and adapt to it. if you want it then organise it... if cannot take it den too bad it's when people leave... we can't blame them too.. it's a personnal things, cant be done by forcing. not sure why i talk about all this but hum... type and type and type... that's how it goes...
maybe last sem it's really tough for mi.. and i kind of able to manage it this sem... though i say i wanted a week break from both the Igs... but i went to band... i dun feel stress, though i feel tired, at least we can c that everyone play their part by learning their own part and makes us sound like band. though some of the pieces still sounded bad... guess we can make it rite... yeah...
yesterday actually dun wan to go for band, i was at the bus stop goin to board the bus, lucky the bus is not 111... whaha... i feel really bad when pei xuan say she's not going... and that's when daniel call mi... lol... in the end headed back to sch... well i didn't regret abt it. cos it's fun there and realise that big event coming out in ws... so perhap next time i wouldn't mention about not going to band... whaha, unless i really really very tired, and no time to study for ut... went to eat with hannah and theodore at mos... had my corn soup and bought a pair of ladies shoe... lol...

World, work and people!!!

Very sian... very sad too... hai... everyone has his own problem... while mi too... and kind of sad things to say abt... nv tell anyone abt this and nv like to mention it also...
What kind of world is this... damm sickening... people out there... wat the hell they thinking... what's wrong with their mind manz... out there to ask for problem... find things for other to do, and harm others... what sort of human is this... still considering yourself human... go and die la... much worse then a animal... at least they dun have any harm to people. fuck up people, fuck up world... full of nonsense and rubbish they can come out with... what goods they get? fuck off... why cant jus do your own work instead... make yourself so troublesome looking troubles for people... this kind of people should go hell manz... why cant they jus do their own work, and dun be bother with wat others thinking, so wat if people are like dat, it's none of ur business to care, and you shouldn't even be bother to find trouble for them. if you dun like that person, do your own stuff den, and get off your ass for each other... wouldn't that be good for both. doing stuff that is diff for people ends up seeing each other more, why can't jus do wat you suppose to do instead. less trouble, dun have to back stabbed each other too. and make each other feel good instead... making fun of other makes you happy... fucked off... you shouldn't be in this world... get off your ass to another... you dun now what you do, may do to others. ends up making sin for yourself. and in the end i will laugh at you... stupid.

so sian... so early reach class.... first time.... having orea cheese cake in class... but sick of it... whhahaha... maybe too early le... only slp for awhile.. hai....slept at 3 plus.. wake up at 6 plus.... feeling abit sick... damm bored... nv been in class so early before... it's like i'm the third person to be in class.

Done with my things at 2.39am...Slp time...Nite.

Sian... tired... jus got back home... after long hrs of guitars... hum... wasn't learning anything from there recently... went to dinner with jon, YZ, wei lun and joanne... while the others went to red hill market to eat... actually was joining them but then... hum... deli dey li... haha.. so was quite far away from them le, must well join jon they all rite? hum.. bitching abt people in club... hu dun like hu, and say wat ever we feel in the club there... hahaha... while... ok la... lucky finish my rj in sch...

yeah JY you are right... i planning to take a week off from all the igs... dunnoe why leh i jus feel so tired... keep waking up late for lesson... i'm late again today... sad leh.. lucky the fac quite good.. lol... so sian... today lesson quite easy... my horoscope say i need plenty of rest... and need to center myself... i think quite true... cos i really lose control over myself.. need to stablise...

My dear... how long more you need to take...
Argggg... i really cant take it leh... pls...
It's so long le... forget it ba...
Dun think...
that is how it goes...
you can do it de... all i needed is time... very very long...
hai... how long should i take...
how how... kept thinking...
go slp la... should dump everything aside first...
tml wake up and things will be prepare for you... yeah...
Cant predict the future...

Really down recently...

Sorry RPWS... didnt come for practise again... i really tired... really stress and sad about all the sch stuff... i scared i couldn't handle it... too much things... i dunnoe how sia... take one things at a time... cannot la.. when things come it's too late le... not sure how... really very sad... i very scared...

really miss you guys out there... but i didnt have time for you guys... feel like haven't been meeting up with u guys for quite some times... though performance is jus over... hum... needed some time for myself to rest and recover... trying to settle down with all the sch work and work stuff... and for guitar... headache... stop trying to find more performances... i really cannot take it le... now i noe been involve with two IGs with lots of commiment is difficult... really difficult... one side is falling... hai.. keep wondering on those bo liao stuff really exhausted... Pls would you guys make life easier for us... maybe i expecting too much from myself and all... when things fail... really upset abt it... really really...

erm...

Oh my god... how sia?
No no pls... arggg....
i'm going crazy le...
i gonna kill myself soon... it's only the first week and im like fully packed... no time for myself... oh pls... give mi a break...
can i take off from all the practises for 1 week... i really need that... think i should...

Watch movies...

Hey who wants to watch The Corpse Bride, Dukes of Hazzard, the Red Shoes with mi... hehe... msg mi... whahha

Sick again... oh no...

Sick 2 times in a month... nv happen before... think i'm really tired... really cannot make it liao... not sure how would it be when sch reopen... i think i'm killing myself... for the past whole month i have been eating fast food almost everyday... hai... sick of it le...

yup... yesterday sunday... RPWS first outdoor performance.. the places really sucks... there wasn't lots of audience.. mostly all friends come and support onli...but anyway... it's alright la...didnt really bother about it.. jus do better for the concert can liao... then after performance when to PS foor court to eat... everyone was very tired... after that went to watch the myth... quite a stupid show la... the story line really stupid.. but if you ignore the story line then it considered a not bad show ba.. ahaha..

hai... today wake up so early in the morning was feeling sick lor... down with flu... but still ok la... went to the stupid fire flies health farm (vegetable farm)... lol... ate ice cream there... $2.70... quite ex but it's hard to find it outside.. hehe so ok la.. then went home to slp till 4 ++ wake up quickily rush out of house le.. almost late for work.. whahaha... hum.. didnt noe that the people at borders are cool too.. hehe... after work went to eat at mac and then slack there talk talk... hum... consider not a bad job la... think i would enjoy myself there.. hehe.. but most of them smoke leh.. hehe... why all the cool cool people smoke one... hehe later i become one of the smokers too... but dun think i will la... but becoming more wild? maybe yes... hehe.. damm tired and sick... didnt get my rest... hai.. going to die soon... how i wish... life full of misery.. whahhaha... having too much fun recently.. cannot la... hai... so busy so long didnt blog le.. hehe... i going slp soon le.. nite nite.. hehe...

Was a few days ago since mt last blog... felt like it was quite long... whahaha
so much happen this week.. and i'm damm busy with my work and all... i'm so sorry RPWS... didnt go for band that whole week... hope u guys will understand.. hai.. and genre... is getting worse and worse... really lost... since after i sick... i've got no energy to move on... even though i had recover but i'm still feeling i'm sick... but then still have to get over it fast... there's lot of things waiting for mi.. so sick so sick... and the worse things was yesterday nite... one crazy fellow. really make mi mad and crazy.. it's so irritating... i dun wan to ans rite.. why mus u force mi to.. what's wrong with u man... U R MAD!!! u should go for some psycology counseling.. really like an mad man... so unreasonable... nobody will be so unreasonable as you... cant stand it... scold mi what ever u like... yup.. i'm so wat.. not as worse as u.. u r a beast man... who ever i'm with and what i do it's none of ur business... u r jus my frenz, i have the right to choose not to ans... dun say i dun have becos of what ever reason you can come out with.. it's damm stupid... so childish... u are alway right and i'm alway wrong... and u alway have the right to say and i jus have to listen, i dun have the right to say anything i wan and wat ever i said, u jus cant get anything into ur head, and jus insist that u r right. fuck up attitude... it's really unreasonable... and u are so rude... what words cant come out of ur mouth? and u used that to scold mi! what to do... talking to a person who doesnt listen... hang up lor.. and wat u said? keep calling mi and i ignore u. use ur brain and think can? u wan to talk to people is that how u talk? who will wan to pick up ur call... and alway asking stupid question... jus feel like killing myself so that i get away from the harrassment... it's damm irritating... nothing can make mi so irritate and mad that i wan to kill myself... if not for my parents i would really do that.. ok... enough of this person... If only human are like computer then it's good.. becos you can delete... and empty recycle bin... and if it's like virus... dan reformat...

Hum.. wat else leh..
dunnoe.. hehe go watch tv le...

Grades...

Can't believe that i actually went to sch late... only reach there for second meeting.. and still get As for that few lessons... while for those dat i've come on time i get something worse... Plus those faci who gave A are usually very very strict... whaha.. shows that i should attend lesson late so that i'll get A.. lol...
And A for pharmaco ut... nv expect it... while those few days although is like slacking... but then there's certain limits... hehe... but not bad la... got good grades... hehe

So busy...

I got so much to blog.. but i dun have the time... whaha... hai... real busy this few days... very tired... and today not sure what's wrong... kept eating.. has been eating alot.. hai... dunnoe how to control... all the things i wan to eat, hehe. so much nice nice food out there for mi, really hard to control lor... hai.. maybe under stress ba... that's why keep on eating... hum.. onli when i'm stress i do that... hai.. i going slp le la.. dunnoe what i talking also... bye nite nite...

Bored to death...

Dunnoe why... my right eyes keep on twitching the whole day since i'm out of house... till now is still twitching.. quite irritating.. nothing happen also.. haha...
this few days very sian leh.. i dunnoe why leh... whether i went out or not... it doesn't seems any diff. something seems to be missing...

Boring..

So sian... dunnoe what to do... feel like slping once i reach home...
Its holiday... and i kept feeling tired... so sian... dunnoe what to do...
I'm like living in my dream... everyday...
Each day i reach home, that feeling was the same as i've jus woke up... not sure what i'm doing... waking up each day with a tired eyes.. so restless... reach home jus feel like slping..
Hai... dunnoe la... jus live each day as it is ba... dun feel like doing anything special with it... do as what it comes...

Tired, Tired...

wondering why i'm so tired... real tired... what i want is to slp but wasn't really what i want to do... it's my mind controlling over mi now... lost control of myself.
i wasn't able to tell a dreams from reality... during my slp many things happen in my slp, jus like a dream to mi... but it wasn't... sometimes i dream... i tot is reality but is different... if only it's real... and if only...
hai... how much slp do i need? tired... after watching 10 mins of show in my bed.. my eyes started to close... hai... miss my show.. whahaha...

Stood there and wait...
Can only watch...
nothing much i can do...
Trying my best to do what i can...
Wonder was it my fault...
Wonder what would have happen if i've done something abt it...
Maybe it wun be much different but at least i did something which leave mi without regrets...
I'm still thinking abt it..
N if any1 who ask mi "are you still thinking", i would say alway say yes, i am. it's a challenge for mi.
Challenging myself for the better...
Too tired to go for it le...
I'm staying at this position for maybe half a year or the rest of my life in RP.
Can't push any harder...
Dun ask mi to..
I can only use this much... i noe where is my limit...
Thinking back... lots of thing happens... it's not any1 fault... you might end up finding faults you did... sorry...
i now know the reason... i noe what to do... and what i shouldn't.
k i think after so much things... that's enough for mi... can't take any more... needed plenty and plenty of rest...

Recently i very tired, everyday reach home whether late or early. even before i reach home i'm tired le... what's wrong.. i'm not like dat de... maybe becos of my sickness... eyes still sore and red.. getting better le.. hehe..

i'm feeling very terrible. i can't eat, i can't walk properly. my whole body aching. My eyes can't open properly... a blur vision on my left eye. the eye drop doesn't help... i dun wan to slp anymore.. have been slping the whole day, now feel like vomiting, but nothing come out. jus feeling my lung going to break apart. my eyes making mi feel headache, will i be better tml... dun feel like going to doctor... cos haven been visiting them since young. the last time i'm sicked, i was also having fever... but nv been so terrible... wonder hu noes? hai... think mus be the rain yesterday, plus eating ice cream without my meal, dan after sch ate KFC. in the morning already not feeling well... and kept walking under the rain... the whole day had been walking under rain.. it was raining the whole day... hai...

I'm sick le...

i'm having fever 38.7 degree... very cold... and having red eyes on both side... it's really painful to have red eyes... my first time sick till so serious... fever while having cold plus the eyes making mi more headache, can't open my eyes if i close for too long... and can't close it if open for too long, it's swollen... can feel my whole body is boiling except my hand and feet is super cold... not sure what to do... my parents not at home... left mi alone hinding in the blanket... the blanket is hot... can't stop the temperature from rising... walking around feel like falling... i'm really sick this time... not sure when will i recover... nobody will understand how i feel right now... jus now went to work with red eyes... after that it's getting worse and worse... and started to feel cold there, usually i dun't... didnt know it... tot would be better after eating and drikin tea... but the cold it getting worse and worse... no choice but to go home... it's not good to have red eyes... everyone on the street keep looking at you like one kind... no choice but to look down and walk instead... it really red and i was very scare...
help...

Stupid mi...
Didnt get it right...

it's too long to be a crush... too short for long term development...

Give up, but still aiming high...

Dun wan, but still hoping for it...

Life becomes harder for us when we live for others, but it also becomes richer and happier

For some life lasts a short while, but the memories it holds last forever

How do I change?
If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labour.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.

No appetite...

One day one meal... sometime didnt even eat... like today just have snack... i dun feel hungry at all... it's difficult to give up... it's kind of weird... last night i feel so hungry and didnt eat... today i didnt even feel hungry... i going to meet up yunjing now... blog again when i reach home..
Hum... continue...
Now at guitar there le... waiting for people to come for meeting... dan doing nothing lor... yunjing they all end class early went tiong bahru to eat... mi haven had any meal... dunnoe is it the sch food that make dun feel like eating or something else... ok... yup dan they buy honey milk tea for mi... my fav..
feel very sian jus now in class, alone listening to music dan slp... rest for awhile... dan, thinking of something else... boring...

hungry hungry...

argggg....
i'm hungry leh.... dunnoe why i kept complaining hungry... nv heard people alway complain de leh... maybe i dunnoe when i will be hungry and dunnoe when i'm full... cos whether i'm full or not, i c food i like will buy de... only noe i'm hungry if my stomach calling out... hai... siao siao de... hum... sometime can whole day dun wan eat dan something eat alot alot... how ar... cannot maintain my regular meal... hungry at such a weird timing.. now is 12 plus and i wan to slp le...

Today...

hum... morning dun feel like waking up... haha.. tired leh... dunnoe why it's alway wed. drag out of bed at ermmm abt..7.30 am like dat.. hehe... actually was slping while thinking what to wear today... so slp.. dan wake up think.. noe what to wear le dan get off from bed.. hehe... leg very pain at the knee there... hai.. lao ren... haha... not sure why... maybe is the fan kept blowing at my leg.. when bathing damm pain lor... so i jus let the warm water run from the tap to my leg lor.. feel better but after awhile come back again.. dan dun care le.. haha... went out of house nv think of it dan ok le... lol... reach sch at erm.. 8.45am.. think i do thing very slow lor. haha. now leh... finish lesson at 12 like dat... hehe.. quite surprise that the fac let us off early.. so now dunnoe do what leh... the band member hor.. say wan to go out dan end up nv go... make mi stay in sch for nothing... dan still wan mi to go buy thing... haha... sob sob.. so waiting for people to end class c if any body wan to accompany mi go... hum..
ok...
now talk abt yesterday ba...
hum... those ws people ar.. especially MING CONG... crazy... haha... actually first time my train come so early lor.. dan that ming cong and pei xuan come into the train... talk very loud that... this is mei yan... and blah blah... kept calling my name so pai seh.. dan i came out of the train.. then they drag mi into their train... idiot sia.. haha... saw my train pass over.. dan i call out pei xuan quite loudly.. hehe she told mi today that.. in the train got one guy from her church de.. then she pretend nv saw him and that guy kept laughing at her... hahah.. know how it feel le ba... drop at queenstown... took pei xuan lap top away and ming cong follow mi out of the train... the rest of the members ignore him... hahaha... so they wait for him at the next stop and he accompany mi for my train to come lor... siao de... make so much noise in the train... think people slping also wake up by us... haha.. everyone looking lor... : p hum.. at outram park de NEL.. saw tracy coming down from escalator, kind of very surprise to c her so late in the train... well.. so went home together lor.. hehe... so chiau... lol..

Boring....

hum... i dunnoe what i'm waitng for, now like doing nothing.. waiting for the rest to finish their ppt dan start thrid meetin... boring... look like everyone has finish but then... dunnoe leh.. oh.. hehe saw someone start walking to the table le.. starting soon... hehe...
Jus now went out for lunch wor.. red hill market.. lol... ate soy sauce chicken noodle.. ok la quite nice... but then hor the sauce, they put chilli like blood.. yucks.. whahaha...

act cute!. lol... 

i forgot there is UT tml...

I almost forgot that i'm having ut tml... i noe i need to study... but i tired of studying le... can i go ut tml jus like dat... the ans is of cos NO. i tried it once before, i jus read throug the slide dat i need to for that UT, the next day went too sch, ut started, almost all the question i can do except for one very simple question... i forgot, and i can't find the ans... anyway it's ok cos i think i did alright for that UT... only one question dunnoe how to do ma... that one doesn't cost a lot of marks... whahha.. i am lazy to study... jus feel like reading through the slide... refresh my memory that's all... cos i got no energy, no motivation to move on.... yes of cos i noe i need to move on. but i badly needed a rest, i need time. maybe i would jus go read the slide and maybe i will start studying...

I'm tired of talking to my frenz... i dun c a point talking to them anymore... it doesn't work any more... jus be what ever it is... i feel sick... crying.. felt stupid, feel like i'm being a fool.. i'm no longer that strong... though i can laugh and joke with frenz... but actually i'm alway sad deep in my heart, there is alway something that i can't forget, can't hide, it jus don't go away, was left it there... no idea what to do with it. what ever i do, it doesn't move at all, it is stubborn. felt helpless. i noe no one can help. no point looking for frenz.
i'm getting worse and worse. i'm tired. i wan to go. i want to go away... go away from the world of BGR. everyday, i saw it every where, it upset mi. couple eveywhere, they are so sweet.
sometime i wonder, why didnt i hold back that time. maybe if i did, things would have being different. even if it's the same as now, i would feel better becos at least i didnt show temper, treating him better. no point turning back.
i hope i can get back with him... but then i guess... no point too. even if we are back together... we might end up broken again. i dun wan to be together again if he doesn't love mi, it would be one sided. but i wan to be by his side... it jus feel so... wan this but dun wan that... i really really dunnoe what to do... i try to face him, talk to him, trying to find out answer, but everytime i dun get an answer from him. i really got no idea who to turn to already except facing him and waiting for the answer. every nite i cry to slp. thinking of him each morning i wake up, during the day whenever i'm staring at things, at nite when i'm going to slp. there is many things i dun understand, many thing i wan to know, but i dun noe where to get answer but no ones noes. and the one who noes it doesn't wan to tell mi.

Walk talk eat...

Today after sch went out with... yun jing, Vik, Xue Fang, and lee xian wors... haha, erm... mi having fun, while quite tired actually, jus enjoying going out with frenz. hehe, tot of going to china town, later change to bugis... haha... dan went to eat LJS. talk and eat there.. whaha. dan go sky garden. hum... talk and talk lor... haha... after that guess wat... i walk home from suntec... cool rite. with vik... haha walk around bugis, raffles place there kept going round and round... haha tot is the shorter way but end up walking longer, but we enjoy... hehe.. walk through bugis, sim lim, little indian dan reach home le... hehe... : p