tuesday working...

saw a little boy playing with the floor stack of books... he's so cute and innocent... hehe... he was removing the some books from the floor stack, i went to him...
" what ya doing boy?" smiling to him la... haha. for that moment he was kind of stun i think.. i shock him.. hahaha... anyway i put back those books that he put on the floor back.. then left the last book he put it back himself.. haha.. then after that he went to tell his dad that he put back the book... haha cute sia... he very chubby lor... hehehe

to my beloved......

family problems.. who doesn't have it...
the reason i study may not be for myself.. i jus like the feeling of being in sch... frankly speaking, i'm very lazy when comes to study... trying hard not to let the laziness take over mi...

i really believe in fate (not faith)... who ever we are, what ever we can do is not within our control... God has already lay the path for us, we can choose another road. it may not be as good. for this moment, jus do what ever we want, as long as we are able to. we can choose the bad or good path... good path required lots of work and effort, while bad one will be easier... however, choosing the wrong path.. you won't be any happier... it may not be the one you wan...
what ever it is... if you think is better this way then you should go ahead...
i would say try not to give up on anything till the last moment when you really cannot take it, then come to think abt it again.. it won't be too late...
dun worry about anything, tml will comes its way.... tml will be a better day perhap...

had fun today... thanks to my dearest president, QM and this gal clarinet section rep... hahaha...
it's sherline first time went into pub and drink alcohol i think... underage leh... still can go in whahah...
i've been wanting to get a drink for myself lately... finally i got it... though wasn't strong, while it's alright... hahah... ming cong treat us leh... so nice of u... haha...
sherline and my face were so red... haha though it's like sherline first time and it isn't my first time... jus will go red regardless of how much i drank... mine was like a little redder then her.. whahah...
after drink went to nydc to eat.. hehe..
overall we enjoy ourself.. oh ya before that... i was working in the morning till 2... then went to glosz house after that... rpws comm was already there... haha...bought ice cream for them... 50 cents hehe... then i bought daniel a present cos i tot it suits him well... want to get everybodys one present jus that got to wait cos dunnoe wat to buy yet... hehe... ur turn will come...


yeah... anyone wan to sponsor mi hair cut... at 25 bucks.. whahaha...

a very sweet, nice, and cute clip... enjoy urself

http://www.tongcom.co.kr/dingani_13.htm

i'm very happy recently... not sure why things jus came smoothly as i wan to...
sometimes when i jus tot of a things, or jus thinking if it would happen, i tot it wouldn't happen... but when i look straight, it was there without further thoughts...

i not sure how i going to do it for my study... each time i think i very scare i could not graduate with diploma... i hope god would help me in this area, which i'm really weak in... i jus not used to studying so hard, i couldn't take so much stress, i will cry...
i very scare but i dunnoe how to start...
sometime i really feel like quiting my work... i couldn't take it... but i really got no choice... i jus wan to concentrate on study for now... but how? with my work requiring mi to work at least 20 hrs a week.... hai... worrying abt so much stuff in life is so tiring...
crying in my heart
i'm not as strong as i used to when i jus came to RP...



especially these few days... have been alway waiting to c him... tot that i would nv get to c him this holiday... hum... keep seeing him these days after he's back... 3 times in a row (in 2 days)... couldn't believe it also...
in market, walk pass each other in train station (he was just next to me and he didn't see mi, :( sob sob..), at the bus stop (took the same bus too)

few days back still thinking if i will see him outside... as i tot, i will only be able to c him in sch...
not sure y heaven is making mi happy... i guess i'm crazy... really miss him... how would i able to let it go...
anyway... whether if i'm with him or not... i will be jus glad ... for that past memories that this guy had given mi... thanks ya...
for that, this guys has given mi a chance that i will nv forgets, i would say that he's the nicest boyfriend i ever have ( i'm so touched)
wish you good luck, and all the best...
the door will alway be open for you...
currently we (everyone) should focus on our goals first ba (study, hehe)... it's not the time to be involve in relationship yet... it takes time and patient for each other...

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

^
|

some are true... lol... some dunnoe, some not at all...

You Should Get a PhD in Science (like chemistry, math, or engineering)

You're both smart and innovative when it comes to ideas. Maybe you'll find a cure for cancer - or develop the latest underground drug.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

You Should Learn Japanese

You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture. From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko!

What Language Should You Learn?

Your Birthdate: October 25

You excel at anything difficult or high tech. In other words, you're a total (brilliant) geek. It's difficult for you to find people worth spending time with. Which is probably why you'll take over the world with your evil robots! Your strength: Your unfailing logic Your weakness: Loving machines more than people Your power color: Tan Your power symbol: Pi Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

woke up at 11 plus today... then went back to sleep again.. cos still early for the concert.. hehe then wake up at one thirty.. actually tot of staying at home dun wan to go concert one... haha... but anyway jus go lor.. since at home got nothing to do also. that daniel even worse woke up at 2pm when our concert is abt 1 hr away.. super li hai... and sherline told mi that... she went to his house to press the door bell, call his house and his phone... no one ans... whahaha... daniel pei fu ni... hahaha... ya.. so i tot i can do my thing slowly lor... suppose to meet at 2.30pm.. everyone was late... when i reach there tot that someone already there, i was shocked when i reached and tot i ended up in the wrong place... no one was there yet... started to panick... whaha.. jus called whoever that i knew they r coming... got to know that everyone going to be late.. so jus wait there lor...
the concert was quite boring at first... dun really know how to appreciate classical music... sherline was slping half way through the concert... the last few pieces were very nice... actually we go to the concert becos of sherline lor.. whahaha... at first all of us say dun wan to go de.. hehe..but we are there already so must as well lor.. after concert went to marina square wanted to have carl's juniors... after some decision went to cafe cartel.. hehe... then go to willie's work place to have some ice cream and drinks... hehe.. after that go city link buy sherline's frenz's stuff... then go home...
at first tot of going home... then when i reach outram park going towards NEL.. then i remember i haven't meet up with my old frenz very long le.. so call Bing wei up... hehe... he's at commenwelth (watever the spelling)... jus abt to go home... hum.. at first wanted to go there meet him.. then he said the car dunnoe can take so many people or not.. watever it is end up meeting him at commenwelth mrt... his dad drive and fetch us to his place there (my old house)... whahaha... hum... bing wei's bro sounded like someone... hehe... hum... then talk talk talk to him at playground till abt 12 when i was abt to go home... but i need to go toilet first... haha then when we want to go take cab rite saw siew li... then talk to her till 12.45am like dat then go home.. hahah... hum.. that's all for the day...

guys pls stop approaching mi... or crossing over the line of friendship... it never happens... try again! and there you goes... BYE...
i'm not going to treat anyone nice... want to know wat i will do? try it then...

so much to learnt in life...

In life...
Sometimes i got it... sometimes i dun... got to depends... only till i see it then will i understood... must it alway happens this way? wouldn't it be a little too late? sometimes... it's better to prevent it then let it happen. take a step back then... walk the other way instead... only then you wouldn't get yourself or other hurt...
anyway... i would rather let it happen, then to leave mi guessing all the way...
should i cont'? or take another path... i guess i wouldn't choose to take another path, i shall cont' till i see an exit rite? giving up isn't the rite way...

every door that i exit, i enter another door...

Super tired.

today very suai lor... super sian.. not my day... everything jus happened wrongly... firstly... wasn't suppose to take cab to sch in the morning.. cos promise myself, not to take cab anymore, realise i spent to much on cab... but today i really got no choice.. i estimated the wrong time... though is jus nice.. but becos of my status got to come early... hai... anyway i took cab from red hill to school so wasn't that bad... then saw jy, aisha and hui ling, so ask them to pop in lor... whahah... hum... after band i tot got guitar... super angry... today jus every thing screw up... tot that got guitar so went to eat quite fast and all so that i won't be that late for guitar... but end up realising that it start at 4pm wasted all my effort...
aisha asked 'am i still in the guitar com.. i was wondering too... wasn't the com suppose to know everything... and yet i know none... while partly it's my fault, however... people should sent out email to the rest of the members, and should make sure everyone's know there's prac isn't it? even some of the members dun know also... well... sometime i think i should involve but sometimes i think i shouldn't cos everyone's not doing their job, so why should i? further more, i'm less frequent these days... though i have the right, but how will people feel? i dun noe... jus let it be lor... i can forsee the future... i dun wan that to happen. problem is that... it's doesn't take 1 to move everything, it takes all... without the help of each other, and without anyone moving, there won't be movement. it'll jus stay on like this and eventually fade off...
ok.. enough of comment...
well next... my job... actually i dun wan to go work today... however.. i still force myself to go cos i dun wan to waste money to take MC... when i reach there... i went to check my schedule of the day... my name doesn't seem to appear there... hum.. i was wondering... i was kind of happy at first... hai.. but hor... i jus wan to confirm... so went to check with the manager... in the end they wan mi to work... so sian... hai... i was so happy lor tot i can go home rest or wat... hai...
it's a long and tiring day... and i was doing shelving all the way from the time i started working till end... and the books alot lor.. crazy people.. angry with customer.. haha.. why can't they jus put back the books.. and sometime it's jus put it back only lor... it's not that you have to walk... then i saw Lian Siong... think he was buying books or CDs.. then i asked him why not ask mi to buy for him.. got discount.. hehe.. then he said next time lor... whahaha
that's all for the day...

Do ur best girl...

yesterday i took cab to sch... the uncle talk to mi from my home to the sch... like talking to my close frenz... the uncle very nice... he asked mi how long more to finish the poly... it's abt 1 and a 1/2 yr more, he told me since i still have so long to go... why not work less and study more.. and i think it's true, better then you earn now but end up paying more in future... he said that student needs encouragement, but i'm really happy that someone actually motivates mi... really very touch.. haha... but recently i still haven stablise myself, i could hardly find time to study.. anyway.. i decided abt my time table when sch reopen.. so i would find time to study for all the modules... i guess this time i must really do it.. but i very scare there's more things coming in... my study has been declining... i nv study for ut nv attend for ut.. and all... rite now going to rest to the fullness, play to the max, and study like crazy... that's how life suppose to be rite? hum... but i need support... i would break down once i reach the climax, i need encouragement..

In deep shit...

gotten myself into this shit... where i wasn't suppose to be in... No idea how to get myself out of this... for as far as i know, i didn't want to do anything abt it.. i hope it jus remain like this or jut get over it as time pass by...
i dun want to get irritated, i dun want to lose my anger and so on... pls get myself away away from all these...

trip from kl...

i got so much to write but i'm lazy...
it was so fun at KL...
we took train there... train suppose to leave at 2245 but it doesn't, the gate only open at 2230 when we suppose to board... it takes some time to get into the train... first time taking train... quite fun.. the train super jerky, i'm not used to it, so didnt manage to get a good slp in the train... anyway mi elaine and veron were talking till 1 or 2 plus... we are the only people awake and talking in that cabin and it was very quiet...haha...
when we reach there the malaysia train station around 7 plus... was quite lost... we dun noe where our hotel was located, went to search for map, wanted to buy it but in the end jus browse it onli.. felt bad.. but couldn't be bother... whahah... knew that our hotel was located at shah alam (think i spelled correctly) but have little idea abt getting there... so jus went to search for train to reach there... the train station at other places doesn't look like train stop, look more like bus stop... and it's quite slow, slower then car... took quite long to reach from one station to another. inside the train was wet, no idea why, couldn't be the rain rite... maybe they didn't dry it after they washed it and jus let the customer board the train.. then we can't put our bag on the floor, i put it on my leg though i knew it's a little dirty... managed to reach the hotel by cab after we reached the station... it's 6RM to the hotel... check it blah blah blah... at that time it's around 9 plus or 10...
was sick on the first day, due to not enough slp... it's damm irritating... keep sneezing.... had secret recipe in the morning... then went to shop for drink and snack for our stay in hotel so that we get something to eat during the night... went to KLCC and lot 10(i guess, haha forgot le..), transportation by the hotel bus to there at around 1530... then ate at a jap resturant at roughly 7pm... super cool.. super nice... i really like jap food... i guess we can hardly get such an nice jap food in singapore with such an reasoable price... guess that the only place we can get is at those high class resturant... the whole meal was around 20 plus RM... so cheap rite... then after dinner went back to KLCC shop awhile then go back to hotel le, so left that at 9pm... i bought something at lot 10... but not for myself.. hehe...
next day went to sunway... wow... that's cool... first we had the roller coster thing... call wat? 'lost gold ...' something one la.. then went to wet park... wet park was fun but nothing much too... dry park even worst... haha.. a few thing to play only.. but after awhile everyone's tired le... haha... especially after the 360 degree turn... that one is damm sick... a few round was quite fun but after awhile kind of sick, feeling a bit giddy... not only mi, everyone feeling the same too... so they stop play all the games and rest for quite a long time... then mi, ying2, veron, and her sis went on playin... at first we also kind of sian liao... but after we went to the wild wild west or (wet) watever... hahah... the feeling is back... haha so went to ask the rest of them to play also lor... then all happily go to the wet park again... then play play till abt 5 or 6 la.. i've got the worst sun burn.. haha not sure y.. went to the sunway pyramid, then go eat at A & W... then go home at 9 pm also hehe... standard time for them to fetch us la...
third day... also the day when we leave KL... went to berjaya times square but nothing there... cos we all shop enough le... elaine bought her levi's jean... she so happy lor.. hehehe... then we decided to go to petaling street (chinatown) very fun there... we jus walk anyhow, anywhere... like we are in our own world didnt even bother if we are lost.. however we didnt... whahaha... quite cool there... i really enjoy walking through all these wuloo street... hai... time were kind of tight, got to rush back to the hotel to get our stuff, then rush to sunway pyramid to meet veron cousin... then had dinner then they fetch us back to the train station... arrived in singapore at 8 plus.. reach home at 8 pass 9.. super tired.. then i got to rush to band camp le...
i was having so much fun there... didnt even bother about anything... then the first day arriving the first call i made gave mi headache... called mind cong in the train at abt 8... then he told mi lots of things happen and that the band room was booked... damm irritated.. felt like crying at that point of time... and like going to F*** up that stupid IG who book our room... why made our room open to all... there is a performance hub down there...and there's annex hall there... why can't they used that... didnt they used their brain... F*** them upside down man...
anyway band camp was super fun super touching...but i wan to slp le.. next time then type... heheh.. good nite dear frenz.. love ya guys..

going KL...

i'm going KL in a few hrs time... oh yeah.. lol... going to take train there... it's abt 8 hrs.. so going to slp all the way there... hum... after dat.. dunnoe how liao... hehe.. update again...

i'm sorry...

i didn't realise it... i cried out when i read it... though i noe you might have none, and i still ask from u...
for the sake of myself... i didn't realise i'm so selfish... i knew i was.. but i jus wanted to enjoy myself for awhile... i didn't know you were having hard time...
i didn't know what the hell i did... i kept quiet when you shouted at me i was upset too... after that... you msg mi, i was touched by the things you did... sorry for my wildness... appreciate what you done... in times we need to help each other out...
come to all this, i'm not good at all... i don't know how to do it... i'm very bad at it...

Suddenly i lost myself...

I seriously lost myself...
not sure how to bring myself back together again... too tired to do anything... i haven been in sch for 2 days... sound like humpty dumpy... hehe... but seriously... i feel like i have broken into pieces... all the things i wan to do i couldnt finish... i really hated the feeling... when i couldn't find the things, and couldn't finish it when actually i can... i feel like i got sort of attitude problem... i couldn't let go of anything... i scare once i let it go i can nv bring it back again, and i won't have the energy to bring it back... that's why keep reminding about it in my mind... perhaps that's why i feel stress... that's why and so on...
feel like running out... catching up with someone... running in the rain... hope the rain can help me wash off all the useless and unhelpful things, hope that it can clear my mind, hope that it can lighten my load... and hope that... so much so much...
god help me pls...
i do love god, i do love everyone, i nv blame on anyone though is their mistake. maybe sometimes i blame.. but is temporary... i dun meant it... i may be striaght forward, i meant it though, but once it's over means it's over, jus dun do it again... i'm alright... everyone makes mistake including mi... noe your mistake and be done with it... why need to hold on to it for too long... making others feel bad? treating each others like enemies? m i sensitive? too much of emotion carrying out in my heart... how can i let go? can someone help me with it...
really feel like crying... m really scared... i'm not strong as i used to be... rest is wat i needed most i think... but i couldnt spent so much time on resting, i won't be able to catch up with the things that left it there for mi to finish.... how...
Battle with myself... i lost to myself... need time to recover...

i felt so stress, felt useless, upset, inferior, etc... so much things i'm not satisfied with myself.
I needed someone to talk to me, it can't be anyone.
needed for mi to rely on. felt that i couldn't hold on to so much stuff. needed someone to shared my workload with mi... of cos it can't be one way...

i'm so tired i want to rest... who will i be able to rest on... who can make mi feel safe...

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